Closing time? Not if your an MLB team.

So today's edition will include my take on some of sports most recent stories. You might not agree, but dammit you'll listen. So with that said, here we go.

-Tiger Woods is an idiot. That's a given, but what makes him even more moronic is the lackadaisical effort he is putting into his apologies. Any man will tell you if you expect to win your significant other back in any way, shape, or form the word is grovel. I mean, like a damn mole. And not a witty mole like in Fantastic Mr. Fox, but an actual sympathetic partner. Does he realize not only did he sleep with half of the porn industry, but he very likely brought something back from those excursions that was not obtained with money. Or was it? Haha, they were whores mind you. Yet I digress. So the real question at hand is how much he truly wants his wife back. Not his life, because Golf can cure that ill. What I speak of is his relationship with her. Because if you ask me, based on the two interviews I have seen, Golf is all that he's concerned about. If I would have made this large of a Do'h I instantly would have gotten my wife's name tattooed on my forehead and dared some uppity golf jerk to question it. But that's me, and I ain't Tiger. I honestly think he could give two shits about his family. The only people he is interested in getting back into their good graces is the American public. And unfortunately, Elin is Swiss. Tiger just make up your mind so I can start rooting for you again. Hey, MJ did Ok after Juanita. Have you seen his new arm candy!? Google her right now.

-So the Jets are talking about giving LT more carries than Leon Washington this upcoming season. So let me get this straight. You are committing to an aging back when you have one of the most dynamic ball carriers in the league partnering in the backfield? And little Ryan's comment was we want to get him back to a Pro Bowl returner. Who the hell is he, Vai Sikahema? You know why Sikahema was a returner? Becasue he couldn't run or fucking catch. Nor did Dante Hall, Mel Gray, or any other only returner throughout history. Leon has game and if the Jets want to curb Sanchez's inevitable sophomore slump they will adhere to this. If not, 6-10 here we come! Oh, and an injured LT.

- Is Favre coming back? Is he not? I could give two shits because his body WILL NOT make it through another 16 game season and playoffs. I said this last year, and the year before that, but this time I'm right. Or, maybe I'm not. Someone get me Digger Phelps!

-Andy Reid and the rest of the Eagles brass are apparently listening to offers from other teams on all three of their QB's. My take? Yes baby!! My dream 2010 ticket of Vick/Tebow is still a possibility. Vick come on over to Buffalo. McNabb enjoy your eventual collapse into obscurity a'la Culpepper, and Kolb, welcome to the League.

UPDATE *now it's eventually just McNabb. Dammit. Stop toying with me Eagles. Give Vick up or not. The Eagles are like a straggler at the end of a drunk bar night. You've been eyeing her all night and she keeps slobbering over drinks telling you how cute you are, but won't confirm that she's going home with you. Stupid Andy Reid stragglers.

-Did you see that Help Needed sign outside of almost every major league teams gates? No, well there should be. With seemingly every closer battling some kind of ailment I am guessing that teams won't truly make their surges until May, at the earliest. My Twinkies (Nathan), Rockies (Houston Street), Indians (Wood), and even the Champs (Lidge) all have problems at the closer position, just to name a few. Add to that a number of other teams that are looking "in house" to solve their own problems and what you have is a market with a need, and not enough quality pieces to fulfill that demand. Bottom line is teams better score runs in bunches because any close games will not have a guaranteed savior at the end. I don't trust the Mets Rodriguez or another-year-older Mo either. If there was ever a time to summon a job as a closer, now is the time. Someone get me Rod Beck!