Women play sports? Since when?

So, as I watched the end of Sarena's match last night, I thought two things to myself. 1. Yes, she IS that stacked. 2. She's really injured. Did you see the amount of tape on her? She looked like A.I. mixed with that track star everyone thought was a man. And this leads me to believe one thing. Henin has no shot. I mean Sarena is beating people with a slow limp, while her opponents are playing the best tennis of their life. Dare I say it? Unstoppable. (There was one particular rally in which she literally ran from end line to end line to continue a near-impossible rally. Then proceeded to slide on the brakes, mid stride, after volley number three, shooting an absolute laser, cross-court gem that left Li Na simply dazed. Unbelievable. Now that I can cheer for.) So I see Sarena closing it out in three sets.

In NBA All-Star news, my main man David Lee got snubbed and was left off the roster. Who did the committee pick? Al Bleeping Horford. Lee averages 19 and 11. Horford 14 and 10. Does he give up shots to Joe Johnson(also an All-Star)? Sure. And David Lee plays for the rapid fire Knicks. A-ha!! I just had an epiphany. Could it be that David Lee's stats are inflated like the Suns because he plays on a running team? Maybe, but then ask yourself this. So are we supposed to believe that Nash's two MVP's are not warranted? Chew on that. That makes me wonder if Horford was on the Knicks, would he bring in the same numbers? Uhhhhh.......Doubtful. Horford lacks a J. So then I guess it all came down to success, and unfortunately for Lee, he plays for the Knicks. Get em next year when you're playing for a winner.
Secondary congrats to UK's RRRRRRondo and Dayron for their first trips. Here's to many more for D, aaannnd not so many more for Rondo.

So Jason Terry, Mark Cuban, Mama Terry, Dallas as a city, and J.R.-post gunshot wound are all pushing for Jet's inclusion in the 3-point contest. This would all be good and well, but there are but two reasons I'd say nicht to that. First: He's been in it twice before and failed to advance pass the first round either time. What's that saying again Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times well then you're a, uh, you're a, well you can't kid a kidder! He He
Second: He's not even the best three point shooter on his team. Yes, we all know Zie German shoots better, but Jason Terry shoots 35%. Who shoots better? Jason Kidd!!!! He shoots 40%! So No, Jason Terry, you do not deserve to be in a contest that The G.S.O.A.T. scorched countless times. You would be crapping on his legacy, and we can't have that can we. He's got a Doc at Sundance coming out.

In not so All-Star news, Uh Greg Oden. Yo penis is exposed brutha! The best part is that the article I read about it described the girl as a "triflin' jumpoff". I love America.

Lastly, Should Kurt Warner retire? Tune in tomorrow.

They're still number 1 to me

Yeah Yeah Yeah, UK lost. Blah, blah, blah. I won't dignify this nonsense with any comment other than congrats Gamecocks. When you use this BS win to make it into the NIT, I'll expect a thank you letter. We'll be back. Here's my new prediction: The wwwwwildcats move to number two, Duke gains number 1 by the "Duke rule".*

*see any blog that has mentioned them and you'll understand.

Agent Douchebag managed to disappoint the kid who looked up to him and got himself Ron Artested for the remainder of the season. Then, after he gets six months for carrying an illegal weapon, he gets to spend the off season in jail. Then the Wiz get to void his contract. Wow. Karma is a mofo. Interesting that gun charges stem from a team who's moniker used to be Bullets. And Abe Polin thought he was killing the stigma by changing their name. All the Wizard have managed to do since the change was kill the G.O.A.T's legacy and have a bunch of hot-headed, lackadaisical, over-paid, me-first talent(other than Jamison who always seems to have something wrong with his shoulder) that couldn't play together if they were Greg Kinnear and Matt. Daaymun. (underrated movie by the way). I don't really care about Critt cause he hasn't even played this season. What a bum. Well they weren't really a threat to advance far in the playoffs anyways so nothings hurt. Win-Win.

Oh sh*t, here goes some blips:

-Johnny Weir(the real life figure skater who inspired Napoleon Dynamite's character in Blades of Glory) got a hard talking to from an Animal Rights Group for wearing one of the most outrageous costumes I have ever seen. Please google this thing. The feathers are money. Haha. I love how uncomfortable he makes society.

-The Yanks signed Randy Winn so he could add himself to the list of people who can board flight 27 to....HELL! Apparently this hurt Daaymun's vagina and now he'll be relegated to starting LF for the Royals, years after ditching them for the big market in Oakland, and then Boston, and then NY. I'm calling it. What a blowhole. Side note, have you ever heard Daaymun talk? Now nave you ever seen his wife? How in the hell could anyone who sounds like that get her. Must be the money!!!-shout out to Prime Time (if you haven't seen the video I'm sure it's on Youtube)

-Djokovic lost to Tsonga and Fed beat Davydenko. Upset citaay. Or not.

Oh and Venus got the boot. Told you, call when someone beats Sarena.

Injuries: 40 Players: love

So everyone please contain yourselves for the thrilling semifinal match up of Rafa Nadal and Andy Roddick! Wait. What was that? They BOTH lost their quarterfinal matches, due in large part to injuries. You're telling me the semis pairs Cilic and Andy Murray? That bloooows. Oh well. Here's to Cilic, who interestingly enough beat the new Cinderella in Del Potro, for becoming the new must-see player during this Open. And here's to Roddick, a man I remind you whom I predicted at the start of the tournament would, as usual, be upset. And always after making Americans believe 2003 wasn't a fluke. Shoulder strain, schmoulder strain. There's always an excuse with this kid. Either make the leap, or be the Carmelo Anthony of tennis.

Now as far as players who can actually generate Major trophies, I must say I am rather disappointed in Nadal's early exit. Knee tendinitis is apparently no joke; to the point that he couldn't even finish. I quoted in my blog early on that I thought Nadal would not have entered play if he wasn't 100%. Obviously, I was wrong. The heart of player makes him do heartbreaking things. Ask Brett. Now, word around the water cooler, or wherever ball kids/adults hang, is that it's Andy's year and he has the make to beat Fed, finally. Well I disagree immensely. Fed is playing out of his mind right now, and unless Murray channels his inner Sarena, he doesn't have, he doesn't have, the "marvles!" Thank you Tanaka.

Why haven't I spoken on the women's side you ask. Because until someone like Sarena comes around it's no contest. Period. (Ha. No pun intended)

In other irrelevant, but still tennis news, America's only relevant Olympic skiing men's hopeful, Bode Miller, drank himself silly and decided that he's going to enter into the new round robin tournament, in order to get a seed in the 2010 U.S. Open. (I made that drinking part up, but given ol' Swig-One-Back's history you have to consider it right?) Really? Uh, he better have a Happy Gilmore type serve or he's toast. And what if he tries to do that smooth tennis player slide, hits a pebble, and pulls a Shaun Livingston. Should he risk his Olympic profession, for literal shits and giggles? Hell yes! You only live once. I'll see YOU in Flushing!

Wait for it. Wait for it. The Twins signed someone. Was it a pitcher? NOOO! Was it an outfielder? Not at all. (sperming myself) 3B?!!!! (cringing for answer) sorry-for-ya. We signed Jim Bleeping Thome! I couldn't curse because he's literally one of the best men alive, and a true example of who young ballplayers should strive to be, but Commmmme On! Left-handed power hitter, with limited fielding. WE HAVE THAT! His name is Jason Kubel and he had a career year last year. Way to shake the kids confidence. Here's to Kubel regressing, and Thome battling joint and back problems by May. And we still need a 3B. J/S

Brett Favre: Rookie?

And watch. Being that Duke lost another game this week, a million dollars they don't drop out of the top 10. A trillion dollars. God I hate DUKE!!!! J/S
*you owe me

Someone should sign my dammy on the runny kind! If I ain't Cleo, then Sam ain't Jamaican! So let me break this down for you. Last week Duke lost to NC State. A team that is lumbering near the basement of the ACC, maybe NIT bound. This was Duke's second conference loss. Last week's ranking: 7. This week after a loss: 8. Why is this bullshit! Here's an interesting parallel.
Tennessee lost to a just as garbage Georgia team. UT has already beaten a #1 and this was their first conference loss. Last week: 8. This week: 14!!!!
Now how is it that Duke can NEVER leave the top 10? It's like NCAA basketball as a whole will cease to exist without this damn team. Beyond Scheyer they're garbage. (Don't tell me about Nolan, he's too young) And because my mighty* Wildcats don't play them this year, and because they'll be bounced out of the dance before we get to them, I don't get the pleasure of calling Lee and Snoop just to let them know how much their team really blows. Disappointing.

*My Wildcats are unanimous #1! Oops I just Ashley Judded on myself.


Are you ready for some footBAWWWWW! Weekend excrement partaaaay!

Did you enjoy the dump that Favre took on the Vikes and all of their fans this weekend? Did you? Cause I did. Now this is a man who holds the record for consecutive games played at maybe a billion straight. Someone who obviously holds a fair share of knowledge in the QBing position. Now HOW can he NOT notice an extra player in the huddle? Then, instead of schleping five to six yards to regain the lost penalty yardage, you go all rookie QB and try to fire it across your 67 year old chest, across field some 20 yeards, and into double coverage! Ladies and Gentleman, Brett Favre. As Adam would say, "Favre need to gon' head and give them Vikings fans back they money after robbing them like that." And I don't need a degree from EVMS to be able to prescribe AP with his severe case of fumblitis. I mean damn, hold on to the ball! That's your job!!!
Now to the team that deserves some credit. I have to start off by saying good job Saints for being the last horse to the stable. And with the first and probably most dangerous weapon to boot. Remember when the Saints got Reggie Bush and NFL fans couldn't wait to see him in action. Then the Saints couldn't figure out how to utilize his "special" skills and we started seeing shades of (cue college star who couldn't make the Pro jump). Then we see the Leon Washington's, Brad Smith's (whose a damn QB, so stop ooohhhing over his pass), and Percy Harvin's come through and suddenly the Saints go oh THAT"S what WE could do with him. Jerks. Anyways, the other QB, Drew Breeeez, was calm under pressure and with a little skill, and luck (Meacham catch?. Vol Baby), guided the Saints, and mankind, into the Bowl that's Super. Congratulations to the S-Aints!!!

Speaking if not being able to do your job, what position does Braylon Edwards play? WR right? Then why in the hell were the announcers practically exploding in the booth with excitement over the fact that Edwards caught that pass. It was a damn can of corn! Corky from Life Goes On could have caught that, Mays'-style. Isn't that his damn job!!! And why is he so bad at it? And why does he get paid so much?! That's like the guy that pumps my gas smacking the metal nozzle into the side of my car on occasion. Let's see what would happen if they had to switch salaries? I'd get a spit shine, a soft shoe, and a great time to boot! In other words, his job is to catch the damn ball and he has problems doing that. J/S
Back to the synopsis: Sanchez ran into the steamroller known as Peyton and even his best game ever wasn't good enough. All I have to say about this game is I noticed that right after the Jets scored their last points and Peyton came back on the field something was different. Suddenly an unstoppable pass rush couldn't break through and Peyton was pointing out LB's who were about to blitz, and then got brickwalled when they did. It was as if, within a game and a half, Peyton had figured out the Jets entire defensive scheme. J/S The Colts did reel off 24 straight points and nothing so much as air touched Manning the rest of the way.

My pick coming February 5th. (Or right now. I'm going with the Vol. Hands down.)

I'd like to end tonight's edition with a point. Friday night the Knicks played a flawless first half against the Lake show. I mean Kobe was shut down and they had 0 turnovers. Zero. They proceeded to lose by ten, as Kobe went off in the second half. Then, last night they set a MSG record by losing by 50 in the most uninspired effort I've seen since....well never. I've never seen an NBA team lose by 50. Live. I mean did you see the highlight of the ball bouncing off Jeffires retarded incapable head. God I hate him. Ladies and Gentleman, your Knicks!

Tomorrow: Aussie update. Peace

61* (as in Kobe in the Garden)

So Kobe makes his much anticipated return to the Garden tonight to take on the Knickerbockers. Well considering the beat down that the Cavs gave the Lake show last night, Kobe should break Wilt's record tonight. Out of shear frustration, if nothing else. I can't help but to look at the Flakers like I look at White Goldman and the rest of the Globotron goons. Remember in Dodgeball how together Vaughn's crew was. That's the Cavs. Remember how White couldn't spell his own name and Meschel picked him up on the moped. That's Kobe and Ron Artest. The whole Laker team is scared shitless of Kobe, and the Cavs LOVE LeBron. Take witness in yesterday's blog about Green. What a weirdo Kobe is.

Great match last night with Rev em up Roddick and Feliciano Lopez. The last set was especially saucy. Well until a visibly exhausted Lopez tried to "gut it out", with Roddick simply unleashing a flurry of aces and cross court winners that wore Lopez into the pavement. Kind of like Clubber losing it after the first two rounds to Rocky. Next up Gonzalez, who he's faced, and dominated. Shouldn't be a match. The most disappointing match was my boy Gael Monfils pulling a VandeVelde and completely sperming in the clutch against Isner. This Isner kid worries me. Not only did he take out my favorite brotha, (Sorry Blake loses to many early round matches for me to root for him. I'm a Bills and Twins fan. It's hard enough.) he dominated in New Zealand recently, and mustered energy in this comeback I thought was reserved for thoroughbreds on their last furlong. Let's get this kid the hell out of down under!

So quick notes before this weekend.

-Good luck to my ex-student Percy as he battles migraines. Here's to having a good game youngster. But I have to still root for the Saints.

-Also, considering I worked for his father, well wishes to Kevin Pearce as he battles back from his devastating spill in Utah. Snowboarding will be a little weaker this Olympics.

With that said--see you all Monday. Have a great weekend!

Federer. Australian for Champion.

So R Fed(couldn't help it) continued his early round dominance by toying with Hanescu for a couple games until he just decided to go all MJ and dominate him in straight sets, because he could. Next up: The Spaniard Montanes, ranked 31, who he'll easily dispose of. Wake me when Roddick is upset, AGAIN, and some new "beast" (del Potro anyone?) comes through like a 14 seed in March and takes a couple giants out. IF Fed can get past Hewitt. And that's a strong if. Things are getting interesting.

Apparently I brought the cash Gods to the Earth with yesterday's barrage of discontent at the millions of remaining free agents. Lee states that this is the case because we have too many baseball players. I, being a die-hard baseball fan my entire life, understand this to be nowhere near the reason.
-Padilla signs 1 year deal with the Dodgers. It's about time. He only was your "force" in last year's postseason. (well until he imploded to the end the series.)
-Joe Blanton re-ups for 3 years/24 million. Who cares? 12-14 4.32 ERA guaranteed next season.
-and my favorite named ballplayer Khalil "he's white" Greene signed a year deal to get hurt for the Rangers.
You know who didn't sign anyone? Bingo. Still looking for that third baseman. Anytime you're ready Minny.
In an unrelated note: Are the days of the "veteran presence" in the dugout a regimen of yesteryear. Teams just don't want to muster up the money to have that quality free agent assistant coaching? Speaking of, what exactly does a bench coach do? I mean was Don Zimmer really invaluable to those Yankee dynasty's? I mean I don't have any idea who the Twins bench coach is and I know EVERYTHING about the Twins. Someone get me Thome stat. I'll sign his free swinging ass.

NBA "in a minute, in a minute" (Who remembers that from USA Network. Or better yet, who remembers USA UP ALL NIGHT with Gilbert Gottfried. I swear I grew up in the best time to be a kid!)

Mo Williams is out for a month so it seems that Shaq might actually have to do something. Or LeBron can just keep doing what he do baby. Yeah. That actually sounds better for all parties involved. Even Shaq. No one wants to see him go down Barkley or John Salley in "Eddie" style and blow a knee gasket chugging all that weight around. Countdown to the new series Shaq: Law Man starts after this season. Speaking of irrelevant Cavs, have you ever paid attention to Danny Green? What a pointless waste of money and resources. It seems like every highlight he's taking LBJ's penis out of his mouth. Every time they show LeBron and him in a sequence, he always has that shit-eating grin on his face like Lucas when Charlie Sheen finally acknowledged him. Has he even played this season. I swear someone in the D league is warming his seat up. How's that Koby Karl/Danny Green combo working out? Terribly.

Pip had his jersey retired by Central Arkansas Univ. recently. Wait? Just now? Is there ANY other significant CAU alumnae/i? Will there ever be? They should have retired that the second he graduated. But anyways, great for him.

A last segue. The '92 Dream Team will soon be inducted into the HoF. I tell you this for two reasons. First: Did you know that Daly never called a timeout in the Olympics. Read that again, NEVER! Throughout the course of every game in the Olympics he never needed to reset the energy, rest someone, nothing. That's AMAZING!!!! Enshrine these mofo's. Secondly: I knew there would be a way to sneak bitch-ass Laettner into the Hall.
And watch. Being that Duke lost another game this week, a million dollars they don't drop out of the top 10. A trillion dollars. God I hate DUKE!!!! J/S

This just in. Nectarines are not retard oranges.

For tonight's edition I just want to leave you with things to think about. Digest. Take in. Heed.

-The Raiders told media outlets today that they recently reached out to Jim Harbaugh for their coaching vacancy. Wait a minute. Isn't Cable still head coach? In the immortal words of Kim Wayans "I ain't one to gossip so you ain't heeeard that from me." My advice would have been for the Raiders to fully let their guard down and reach "around" Harbaugh. If you feel me. Win-Win situation.

-The Good Doctor and Straw-berry will soon be inducted into the Mets Hall of Flames. I don't mean that in the derogatory since in the least. The flame I speak of is the downward heap that each members career inevitable went down in. Seaver? Maybe not. Gary Carter? He's more of an Expo if you ask me. Here's to hometown boy D Wright breaking out of town like a neglectant parent before he defines his career there.

-If you haven't noticed there is an amazing amount of free agents left in baseball. And Jimmy "All-Out" Edmonds and Preston Wilson are looking for employment. So let's see. Edmonds played his entire career like his hair was on fire. Like a slot wide receiver. And Preston Wilson. Jesus. He stayed injured. So much to the point that he played in the minors last year and had two stints on the D.L. One for breaking his eye socket for sticking his face in front of an out of control minor league fastball, and secondly, by separating his shoulder sliding into second shortly after his return. Cleeevon didn't I have a binis card round here somewhere. Wait for it........ BAM! (That's the second In Living Color reference. Your Welcome.) Someone sign this kid. Late thirties. Looking for employment. Yes, the recession is real.

-In other news Tim Lincecum (Who had the best sports video game commercial I have seen in a long time last season. An Avatar before there was AVATAR.), recently quit baseball after two consecutive Cy Young's to work on Wall Street. (Wait. He didn't? That's an arbitration amount?) Oh because I saw someone who made 600K just demand a 12.4 million dollar raise. Could have fooled me. The worst part: They are trying to "settle" with him for 8 million. Does he deserve it? Probably, more actually. Am I bitter. Slightly. Bite me. <--unintentional rhyme

Yes sports fans, the recession is alive and well.

Speaking of recession, actually not at all, but I just learned that they are premiering the Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks at Sundance this year. I'm shaking typing this. P, I'm booking the tickets to Park City Now!

Chan-ge gon' come?

How can I sum up my feelings about the Bills taking the Khloe Kardashian of the available head coaches? The answer lies within another question. Why this comparison? Cause they both FUCKING SUCK!!! (Sorry about that, but you did have to click the parental warning before you came on so whatever.) So Ralph Wilson and the rest of the Voits decided that in order for us to win we needed a head coach with experience, in head coaching and leading their 9-7 team to the playoffs. So we chose the one ex-Boys coach, not still coaching for the Boys, or getting his teeth whitened. Awesome. You know what I equate this to? It's like Scott Howard turning into the wolf, getting a lipstick rocket from the blond haired girl, and then settling for Boof. Yeah Boof might be cooler, but she's not letting you stick in EVERY orifice. Remember Teen Wolf was a teen, and so is the majority of our guys. Minus Scheobel, Lindel, and Kelsey, I think our entire team got drafted within the last four seasons. You know who our blonde haired girl was? Shanahan and Cowher. I got all blue-balled thinking about the possibility of either of them coaching us. Here's your montage: Me doing everyday comical things with cardboard cutouts of each. Scenarios. Insert knee slapping laughter at your will. Us on a roller coaster and Cowher losing his hat. Me dropping a just purchased ice cream cone scoop. Me and Shanahan falling as we ice skate off Niagra Falls. Us getting chased for attempting to skate on Niagra Falls. ALL, while The Pointer Sisters "Neutron Dance" is blasting. Take a second a think it out. Now take Axel Foley out of your sequence. This isn't Beverly Hills Cop 2. I'm just grooving doing the neutron dance. Woo Hoo. Gold!!! And what is Chan the Man's (I just coined that BTW) first order of business. Wait for it. Find us a QB!! OH MY GOD! REALLY!? Is that what we need? No Shit. That's it, hire me as the coach. You'd have a lifetime fan, and all the 80's cinema shenanigans that could fill up a BW3's. J/S

Hay dio this is going to be a long season.

In case you were watching some other crap, Kansas State upset #1 Texas last night. I watched the whole thing in anticipation of my Wildcats securing the #1. And what a doosy we had on our hands. K-State did everything in their power to lose this game, but Texas just kept dropping Tony Parker's. (F.Y.I That's big fat dumps on the court. If you didn't know, I hate Tony Parker.) In my last column I asked who this team was. Well here's your answer. They have an absolute lunatic as a coach. I mean that as a compliment in every since of the word. If you haven't seen him, place your face slightly away from the screen and google his pic. Are we sure Huggins found this guy? Not exactly a drinking partner. Their "best player" Pullen shot 2 for a million and literally tried to turn the ball over every time he had the ball. I think he accidentally scored twice. The best player I saw was the hard-nosed, ball hog Curtis Kelly. This guy grabbed every big rebound in the second half, converted two BIGTIME and-one's, and played tenacious defense on James. Speaking of garbage players, Pittman on Texas is one. You know that overweight kid playing pick up growing up. That tries to body people inside, but is really soft so he just complains, scores a couple easy baskets so he thinks he's good, but then is Copperfield when the game matters. This is your guy. I mean he's WORSE than Antoine Walker. And I'm a UK fan. So thank you for buckling down when it mattered Wildcats.

*speaking of annoying players. Have you ever seen UConn's Stanley Robinson play? I never knew that a guy too-fast, who can't really shoot, but makes up for it with unbelievable hops, and has marathon type energy, could actually get a scholarship. And they're saying this guy is a lottery pick. Really? Maybe in the NBDL. But don't let me waste your flavor Robinson. Keep playing hard. And with your coach taking a leave, the Huskies need you more than ever. Ball on.

What's Chinese for garbage

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Chuck up a "Deuce"

*I just realized I should have titled my last blog "Fuck Harry! I'm just wild about them Cats!" Mistake basketball on my part. Won't happen again.

I will start off tonight with a bit of good news. How classy of a gesture was it that the Saints re-signed Deuce McCallister today; affording him the chance to lounge on the sidelines with the rest of the team. This of course following his Radio-like lead of the team out of the tunnel. Got one coach (Rob will like that one)

In other news The Australian Open is a week away and I'm intrigued to see if this new and improved Federer can retake the thrown down under. Amazing that Rafa gets cupcakes in his bracket and Federer gets upstarts(Andreev first round!) and tough late opponents(homelander Lleyton Hewitt). I honestly think Rafa wouldn't have played unless healthy given his recent extended stint on the DL, so I still foresee a Rafa-Fed final. This time Federer takes him out though. Five Sets 3-2

Speaking of Der Sweitz Janka nutted in the clutch just in time to allow American Bode Miller to come out of his two year sabbatical to claim another crown for team Bode Miller. (I swear I sincerely think he rivals Britain, Osama bin Laden, and Johnny Depp as people whom seriously hate America.) *side note Zurbriggen, also Swiss, placed third. Don't know why I needed to tell you that, I just thought his name was hilarious. And I feel bad that both of the Swiss medaled, yet neither tasted the sweet, sweet taste of gold. Maybe Federer has no hope after all. Anyways, nice tune up for Miller as I am sure he'll stop drinking long enough to at least medal in the Olympics, and then fade to black. Here's to you.

In quick NBA news.

So who is the home team when the Clippers play the Lakers? I know the easy answer is the home team in the box score, but think about this. If, say, the Clippers are the home team and they're playing the Lakers, wouldn't more Lakers fans still show up anyways. It's not like they look at the stub and say "aww man we can't go tonight and root for Mamba. The Clippers are the home team." So my point being, do the Clippers ever have home court advantage against the Lakers at Staples? No. No they don't. And that sucks.

Finally, all I will say about that situation is Plax got two years. Ookie got 2 years. Gilbert got a plea deal? I don't get it. Was what he did so wrong? No. But he did get charged with a felony illegal gun possession. DBag. J/S

Wwww Wildcats!

This ones for the team, better than diamond rings. Football.

I am soooo excited about this season of UK basketball that I just referenced a 1980's sports comedy, with Goldie Hawn as the coach a high school football team, and Wesley and Woody making the first of three solid pics together. That's more than you can say about Will and Martin. And this duo did it with three different genres. And they beat the King and Duck. And Wesley got a pre-News Year's Eve-catsuit abomination J-Lo. Thank you Calipari for bringing your "brand" of basketball to Kentucky. You keep paying them under the table. I'll keep counting the W's.
What was most exciting about watching us handle a solid Florida squad is that I saw finally Bledsoe come into his own. It was nice to see Wall take a backseat as Bledsoe ran the team, hitting jumper after jumper, and looking, well Wall-like. It gave me two reassurances: 1. Calipari did sell his soul to the devil. 2. This team can thrive next season when Wall, Cousins, AND Patterson go pro. Unless Bledsoe does. Maybe we need to pull back on the minutes for Bledsoe. Kill his ego. Right now. We'll see when we face Auburn Saturday.

Quick note: How is Scottie Reynolds STILL in college!? Shouldn't he have graduated when I did? There's always one player in college who pulls this off. (This year you can add Luke Harangody to the list as well.) I call this the Chris Duhon enigma. Simply put, it's players that seem like they play in college forever. Others on this list: Psycho T, Ed Cota, and Any Duke player from 1995-2005 not named Elton Brand, Corey Magette, or Carlos Boozer. Can you tell I grew up in the southeast?

Moving on I continue my miracle segue streak (Dimaggio watch out) I ask this question: Why doesn't Duke ever have a steep drop in the rankings? Two games back they lost to a tougher than I thought Georgia Tech squad ranked 17th at the time. Duke was ranked 5th. If not for Scheyer, they may have lost by twenty. The most recent poll had Duke, who then beat a basement dwelling BC squad, ranked 8th. Still Top 10. GT then goes to lose to a conference leading 10-4 upstart UVA squad. They dropped to 20th. 20th? Why when Duke loses a big game they never drop very far? It's BS and I hate it. It's like the voters say to themselves: "Well they'll be back up here eventually so why even waste time." Is it so inconceivable that the beloved Dukies could actually be , well, not elite? God forbid. Aye dios Mio.

Speaking of long range shooting Caucasians, despite fading into oblivion and allowing Evan Turner to get the last slap box in, I must say I like Robbie Hummel and applaud his effort against Ohio State. Tough way to lose your first game though. But eight three balls is impressive. (In the first half no doubt) So because of his "I wish every player had this much" heart, I award Robbie Hummel this seasons "Watch, Chase Budinger is gonna be a beast in the NBA and people are gonna be mad that they COMPLETELY slept on him" award.*
*I watched Chase Budinger for the first time in the McDonald's All-American game and the way he drained three's and dunked like Birdman made me immediately take notice. Of course because he was white. He was the standout to me in a game that included: The Lopez twins, Oden, the aforementioned Reynolds and Scheyer, Thaddeus Young, Ty Lawson, Darrel Authur, DJ Augustine, Sharron Collins, Dequan Cook, Mike Conley, Mr. Bang Out Javaris Crittendon, Ellington, Spencer Hawes, Brandon Wright, Vernon Macklin, AND KEVIN DURANT! I had to name them all because there were THAT many. I told friends at the time that he was gonna be a monster. He never really got credit in college for carrying a subpar Arizona team, that had an ailing coach to boot. Then he goes second round this summer because of the worry he's too soft. So after 8 points and a shade under 3 boards a game in 17 rookie minutes leads me to believe we're headed in the right direction. I won't say I told you so. yet.

Just to boot. I'll leave you with a statement and question.
First: Where the hell did Kansas State come from!?

Second: The aforementioned Luke Harangody wins my Big Country Reeves dominant Collegiate/Irrelevant NBA Center award. And who will hand it to him? None other than the aforementioned Psycho T. Thanks Pacers. P, do we need anymore reasons? I like the word aforementioned. J/S

He ain't worth Kiff!

What can I say that the lovely people of Knoxville haven't already "Rodney Kinged" in Tennessee. Ironic as that statement is, what the F*%# Lane Kiffin! Are you trying to overtake Romo as the DBag of our generation award. As my man Sam stated yesterday, was it REALLY crazy Al Davis in Oakland? Or is Kiffin like a high end escort. Oh, he'll hang out with you because your new and uncharted territory. But as soon as the shine has worn off and real work has to be done, they leave you on the porch with egg yolk running down your face like Josie Grossey. (shaking head) Man, who knew Fullmer WAS worth it. Kiffin is like that girl in middle school who you go to bed dreaming about and then when you get to know the real her, not only are you truned off, but you kind of feel sorry for her. And what usually happens to that young lady? Well if she's in Newport News, Virginia she more than likely marries a military guy who is on more leaves than is home, and she's now a ran thru, overweight, baby factory. So Lane Kiffin you're now a baby factory to me. Tennessee will play the role of the guy who worshiped you, but realized letting you go actually benefited him from a lifetime of disappointment. And child support payments. So USC, enjoy your new "man" Kiffin. Just remember don't get him pregnant!

Not much sports today so quick NBA, then NFL news.

The NBA had yet another #1 overall pick succumb before he could even get his jersey sweaty. The Clippers announced that Blake Griffin will have season ending kneecap surgery. Wow. Shades of TMac, McDyess, and yep, "Ya Big Dummy" Greg Oden. And do they seem like all-stars? Good luck Blake. You'll need it because with B.D. more focused on his next Hollywood screenplay and less on basketball, and Kaman hurt every ten minutes, 2010-11 is looking like a looooong season.

Lastly, someone else shuns my team!!! This time it was reported that my pick Brian Shottenheimer has rejected our offer. Well screw you. Somebody get me Denny Green!

In honor of my Bill Simmons book coming in the mail, tonight's all NBA baby!!!

So the Pistons got routed again last night. So AI wasn't your solution. And HE was the reason you guys fell off last year? And you had to move him in order to get more playing time for the three headed drama-queen known as Stuckey, "he's a beast" Will Bynum, and Rip? So after suffering loss number dirty dozen in a row, is Smokin Joe still the Billy Beane of the NBA? Yeah, didn't think so. And to sum it up, out of curiosity, how did Gordan and Villanueva do last night? A COMBINED 1-11 with four points. Well keep solace in knowing that they will beat the Wiz tonight. But that's not really a big deal because their "best" player thinks aiming guns at people is funny, so, who cares. Good luck D-town ripping the hearts out of a town that just suffered through: Hockeytown USA losing to the Kid, My Twins taking out Los Tigres in extra innings, literally, and the Lion cubs being ripped to shreds this season. I've been to Detroit. Cold and gray. Great gambling. Shitty sports teams.

Perfect Segue!!!!! So speaking of bum Pistons, shouldn't Grant Hill be done by now. Remember in 2000 when we all thought that ankle would never heal? Well it did, and he's still starting on the runningest(is this a word?) team in the league. (sorry Knicks, this team actually wins) And remember who was supposed to be the dream teammate? Yep, T-Mac. Where's he. The same place Vlad's gonna be in a season. Oblivion.

So back to A.I. real quick. They beat the Hornets last night with Mr. Bad News guarding CP3 hard all night. There was even an Elton Brand sighting. You know who I didn't see? Kwame Brown.

For some reason I love to talk trash about garbage players, so quickly, here's my list of garbage players in the NBA:
1. Tony Parker
2. The Spurs
3. Tony Parker
4. Agent Asshole in D.C.
5. Mr. 5000th Assist

Speaking of basura, Jonathan Bender played 16 "quality" minutes for the Knickerbockers last night. His line: 0-8 FG 0-6 3PtFG!!! 3-4 foul line. 3pts.
Hard to believe that they found someone worse than Jarod Jeffires. And Bender last played for the home team. Like 3 years ago!!? Who does this guy think he is, Jordan. Wait, was he gambling with Ant Walker.

Oh and. the. segue's. can't. stop. won't. stop......SPEAKING of Timberwolves I also happened to stumble upon their game last night. I don't know who started this ridiculous rumor that Love and Al Jefferson can't play well together. 21 Offensive rebounds later they gobbled everything in sight like a pregnant woman at Golden Corral. If I were brass I'd do whatever I had to in order to get these guys to stay in town.....together. Maybe the Wolves should have given Simmons that GM job.

Do I? Maybe? Just maybe? (inordinate gaseous sound) Ahhh Yes I knew I had one more segue in me. And speaking of PG's, garbage, AND the T-Wolves, I recently happened to catch a Euroleague game on NBATV. Guess what draft dodging PG was shown tearing down defenders like the Icebox after Sawa gets plucked in Little Giants? Ricky Rubio. And let me tell you, I'm a fan. I'm voting for Love, Jefferson, Rubio 2012.
Can I do a Dunn family first and switch NBA teams. I'm already a Twins fan right? J/S

Big Mac with a side of steroids please

So after my two day sabbatical this is what I come back into the sports world to hear! Well it's not like I can say I didn't have my suspicions. I am immensely disappointed to hear it though. Growing up Big Brother Dunn was a die-hard A's fan, that slowly transitioned into a so-so Cards/McGwire fan. I mean while I was screaming about Kirby being the greatest CF ever, my brother was busy bashing his forearms against the wall. Because THAT was his Canseco. My brother bled Mark McGwire to the point that he was a Dan McGwire fan. And we lived nowhere near Seattle! I am happy that he decided to "finally" come clean. Do I think he has a Dave Parker chance of getting into the Hall? None whatsoever. But at least now he can walk around the street without hiding his face. And hopefully teach Matt Holliday how to bash arms with Pujols. Here's to my brother Rob and Marbles, the two biggest Mac fans I know. Take solace in knowing that this bash brother will never be on a Celebreality show. Unless there's one about steroids. Oohh snap!

In other quick baseball news. Jerrod suckass Washburn had the AUDACITY to turn down a 1 year, 5 million dollar offer from my Twins. Jerk. Good luck being garbage the rest of your career.*

*unless you join the Twins

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH what a wild ass wild card weekend we just had. First off.

J.E.T.S Jets Jets Jets So I am still a Bills fan until I die, but what can I say that hasn't been printed, blogged, spoken about this Jets D. Screw Sanchez. I could have handed the ball off to Shon Green all game. And speaking of, where the hell was Thomas Jones all game. I doubt Rex Ryan had it game planned that Green would be better. Revis has now solidified his Defensive POY award, but I have to feel some sorrow for ol' Chad 85. Was it me or did he look completely crushed the whole game. And the tears toward the end didn't help. But at the end of the day, where was Carson Palmer? Did he just decide to suck? No. He ran into the Jets D. Unfortunately all that comes to a close this weekend when they face SD. Or maybe not. No it's over.
LT's/Sproles'/Rivers'- 24 Sanchise's- 10

In other nut-in-the-big-game news, I don't think I have EVER seen the Pawtucket Pats drop eggs like this all over the field. I mean the Ravens looked faster and hungrier than Brady's boys all game. Where was NE's offense? The only name I kept hearing was their QB. Wait! He's a receiver now? Yes Edelman is the past QB, future practice teamer that I speak of. Is this who you decide is the one who is going to shred the Ravens D. Do you not know that Ray Lewis stabbed someone!? Let me be the first to say it. Dynasty over. I love Randy Moss, but the Ravens came to play and the Pats didn't. Simple as that. There was one point in the game where lady Dunn turns and asks "Where's crazy Randy Moss"? That sums it up. Somewhere being crazy. Speaking of crazy how do you like these apples? Roll Ti.....Vols!!
MVP's- 35 "KILLER" D's- 13

I hate this DBag so much that I will not even comment on this game. I will say a few things. Congrats Detective DiMartino. Looks like your voyage across America to Dallas DID work. And was Andy Reid really squashing any rumors when he felt he needed to come out and say that McNabb is his guy next season. Another thing I can foresee next season is an early playoff exit. Enjoy.
DBag's- 28 Hang-it-up's- 24
No you read that correctly. I believe Favre is done. And because of this the Boys will stack the line. No AP. No Vic-to-ry.

What the hell was this game!? Did TCU and Boise St. get moved to primetime. If Kurt Warner's psycho, Kate plus 8 hair extensioned wife forces him to retire I'll be pissed. What a player! Kurt Warner is a hall-of-famer. It's as simple as that. You know when Brady was struggling to come back and playing like sauce money, everyone said it was his injury. Well Kurt Warner has has about 10 concussions, and went two seasons where he barely handed out water. And now he's dominating defenses (GB's was supposed to be 5th in the league) like it's no joke. Name me one other QB who could have done this? Yeah, but he plays for the Colts. Great game and what an ending.
And Sam, me and you are battling over Early Doucet next fantasy season. J/S
Wunderkids- 38 Who Dat! Drew Brees'- 45
side note: Oh how I want to listen to the two guys in the back of that ESPN commercial car. Drew Brees! Oh yeah.

I was going to end this blog with a shout out to Jayson Williams who FINALLY plead guilty to killing his driver today. But I decided that murderers merit little response in these times. Next time check the safety, idiot.

Call me Mr. Magic...8-Ball.

So here's the list of some of the candidates eligible for next years NFL Hall class.
Jerry Rice
Emmitt Smith
Tim Brown
Cris Carter
Shannon Sharpe
John Randle
Charles Haley
Roger Craig
Cortez Kennedy
And the one and only ANDRE REED!!!!
What a class! If all of these guys don't get in it's an absolute travesty. First of all, you have 4 of arguably the top 5 receivers in history of the league. (The other is Moss, Harrison, or Art Monk. Not TO) Two of the scariest Ends ever. One of the top five running backs and the all-time yardage leader*. And probably the greatest TE ever. Wow. I will be in Canton for this inauguration.

* that asterisk is because we all know who should hold the record.

So, so, so. Looks like Pacquiao bounced. You know what, the Mayweather fight will happen. I guess not in March, but this year. I put 95% of the blame on Jr. and 5% on everyone else. So who is this new guy? Joshua Clottey? Yeah, me either. My sources tell me that his last significant fight was against none other than Mr. Get Beat Down, Cotto. So Cotto goes from beating Clottey, apparently only the judges and Cotto thought he won, and then he gets beat down by Pacquiao. Well this Clottey fight should be good. Not waste my money with Pay-Per-View good, but I'll definitely watch it on HBO the following Saturday. Ding,ding,..dang.

I'll end tonight's Friday quick edition with a thought.

How exactly is Pete "couldn't succeed in NE with the same team that Coach Vader took over with" Carroll supposed to turn around a Seattle franchise that is down in the dumps. (Yeah he didn't have Brady, but come on) You can't draft blue chip recruits. Should he really leave the sun and fun of USC. I don't think so. And what did Mora exactly do that was worth firing. Taking a garbage team, with an over the hill QB, and try his damndest to make them play hard? And Carroll is a more convincing and polarizing figure? Whatever. Pete Carroll. I'd rather they chose Peter Griffin. At least HE knows how to get a rise of the Pats. Shapoopi to you too.

Mangenius. More like Mangina.

No I'll get to THAT DBag in a minute. The vagina I'm speaking of is Floyd Mayweather, Jr. As much as want to believe that his camp is actually trying to make this fight happen, every ounce of me says it won't. Why? I personally think Mayweather re watched that Cotto fight and knew that the second he stepped into that ring it was gonna be a battle. And Pacquiao won't stop until one of them is dead. What Mayweather thought was gonna be a hard fought "exhibition", WILL turn into a slugfest. Now Jr. isn't dumb. 100% of me says he won't get beat down, but gosh darnet he is gonna lose to Manny. I also saw that Cotto fight. My brother Rob said it best over Christmas "That bama don't want to lose". Bama. Breathe it in.

PERFECT segue. THE National Championship is on in approximately 12 minutes. I myself am DVRing it so I can finally watch Inglorious Basterds. Oh what will the outcome be in this one? I have been terribly wrong, as Sam has pointed out, on each pick so far through this blog so here's goes it for the perfect record. I am guessing Colt McCoy will have his day. And Texas is Texas. But I was born in Alabama and I say ROLL TIDE. Here's a back story of my Alabama history. Quickly. (Born in Montgomery, raised in the small town of Ozark. In this town you liked two teams. Auburn or Alabama. You could dare to root for the Bulldogs over in Georgia, but good luck with that. My previously mentioned older sib Rob was a Tiger through and through. Who did little Dunn get stuck cheering for. The elephants. Why? Because I COULDN'T like the same team as him. Siblings. Aren't they grand? Now do you see why I am a Vols fan.) But I digress. I just can't for the blood running through me root against Alabama. Plus I'd like to see another solid older sibling, my buddy Jay Hodgkin's older bro Kevin, get a little bitter beer face when the other Alabama school wins. So here's hoping Ingram's blessed Heisman legs get working early, they spell him with their solid backup Richardson the frosh, and Cody goes apeshit on McCoy. End score Hook em Horns 27--- Alabama Mastadons 35. ROOOOLLLL TIDE.

Lastly, The Browns retained Mangini and his staff for next season. Do they want to lose? I have an idea. Retain the coach for whom your team started off 1-11 with and don't give the ONLY reason ANYONE, except for maybe my grandad and Drew Carey, watches you, Josh Cribbs, the extension that he most certainly deserves. Smart. Isn't this the team that had like half the team almost die from staph infections? Right infection, wrong staff. Enjoy what we Bills call the Jauron years. Idiots. J/S

Tomorrow is Friday. Just thought I'd remind you, along with myself.

It's a bird, a plane. No a Hawk!

This quote said it best, "If you're a Hall of Famer, eventually you're going to get in no matter how long it takes." Couldn't have laid it out any better myself.

Welcome Andre Dawson. Yourself, Alomar, Blylevan (A TWIN!), Edgar, Larkin, and Mr. 10 innings Jack Morris should all have gotten the call. Why only yourself? I have no answer. Let's take a serious moment to discuss this. Name me one 2B, not only steroids Brett Boone, that could even begin to touch Alomar when he was playing. There was good span from I'd say '91-'97 where no one came close. Tony Fernandez and Knoblauch fans need not speak. Yeah, yeah I know Sandberg was a beast. And it's all the more relevant because of Dawson, but Alomar was five tool before there was five tool. Remember analysts sperming all over themselves when Vizquel and Alomar made ANY play. That's a hall-of-famer. 8 votes shy. HUH 8 DBags if you ask me. And what the hell does Blylevan have to do to finally get the call. I can't believe these 5 votes caused him to have to go on the ballot next year with Juan Gone Steroid Crazy and Rafael "I Really Didn't Use Steroids, Okay I Wanna Make The Hall So Yes I Did" Palmeiro. My apologies to Big Cat and Crime Dog. You'll get in eventually. Oh and I couldn't help but to notice "sure Hall-of-Famer Donny Baseball was denied again. Great first baseman? I thought so. I will reiterate, if he gets in then so should J.T. Snow.

Speaking of Hall of Fame performances, I'd like to congratulate Jayson "Murderer" Williams for taking the baton like a errant bounce pass from O.J. for continuing to get in trouble, after getting away "literally" with MURDER. I've had this debate numerous times and J Dubb just made me visit it again. Now, hypothetically speaking, put yourself in OJ's shoes. You just got away with murder what should you do for the rest of your life? Nothing! Fall off the face of the earth because karma is looking for your arse and it won't stop. But noooo, what does Orenthal do? Everything under the sun to get arrested again. Fight, rob people, handle illegal guns. Now where's OJ? In prison. I have this itchy feeling Jayson's headed in the same direction. You cover up your fatal killing of your limo driver. You get caught. You get away with it. What do we do class? FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET. Don't do dumb things like punch people in the face outside of night clubs or break your neck in a drunk driving crash, that you were driving! And to make matters worse, what does this genius do? Lies to the cops that someone else was driving. One problem. He was alone at the accident scene!!!!! (Sigh) Just put him in prison for life. He can be the real life Jackson Fayhew. Big up Rick Fox.

In what has become a topic of almost each blog this week, we touch solemnly on Gilbert. Stern finally decided to grow some and suspended Aaerenas indefinitely. I have no slick comment or snide remark, just to say it's about time. I can not stand Aerenas and now I don't have to watch him fire 30 shots a game and then complain that he's the greatest. Did you get that? (fire 30 shots a game, make 10, and then complain that he's the greatest). Ooh if Tony Parker wasn't so garbage, you'd have a business class ticket on my plane. Right beside Ashley Simpson. But that's another blog entirely.

Good riddens.

Terrible Tuesday

You know what that tangy feeling that it's in your mouth after drinking OJ in the morning, immediately following brushing. Well that's the taste I get when I utter the words Iowa and GT in the Orange Bowl. What a dog pile of crap this will be. The one game I watched this season Iowa's "big-time" QB Stanzi got injured. Funny part is, when the second string came in it actually got better to watch. What a boring team to follow. It's like being courteous and holding the door for an elderly person just so they can take their sweet bleeping time, not noticing the 8 bags of groceries you're holding! And men killed chivalry. I'd say the elderly. Here's to Nesbitt and Dwyer running all over these fools. Spread offenses work like a charm in college and Iowa has WAY too many close wins. Considering Iowa's only offensive option decided to make the Orange Bowl his comeback game I'm seeing this get out of hand, but not too far. Jackets 30-13.

Speaking of a bad taste in your mouth ESPN announced that they are ready to bring you the first ever 3-D channel. Because that's exactly what I'd like to see. Jock adjustments and bruising hits directly in my face. It's not like we're watching beach volleyball starring the Brazilian women's national team all day. I'll pass. Unless the Twins are on of course.

Perfect segway. Did you hear? Beltre signed. With the Bo Sawx. They gave him 10 million guaranteed. Well that IS too much for my Twins. Have fun Boston. In a suddenly busy free agent Tuesday the actual best outfielder in the class, Mr. Fumblitis Matt Holliday inked a get this- 7 year deal. The total? $119 million. I guess bouncing from the Rockies and dangling the A's like a straggler at 3 am worked out after all. Somehow all I got was a headache. Oh yeah. I'm an actor/blogger and he's a $120 million dollar Major Leaguer. I knew it was something. The second best outfielder just got introduced by the Shea Stadium Mets as well today. Yay (with a hint of sarcasm) Bay, a hurt Beltran, and Francouer. Well don't look for them to set any batting titles. If they can get a 1B, no not Malik Yoba, A real 1B, then they might have a decent season. They're not catching Philly or Atlanta, but they won't suck. The Twins still have yet to sign a 3B. The search continues.

And because I truly think this is the end I'd like to send a big Farewell to the Unit. No not THAT Unit, Randy Johnson. No not Johnson. Whatever. Good career Randy.

Here's to Aerenas not shooting Iverson in Philly tonight. Happy Tuesday!

Fire sale! Well for coaches anyways.

Step right up. Step right up.

Who needs a coach. Thankfully, BUFFALO!!!!! Way to finally make serious moves and get rid of the whole coaching staff. Bobby April is the only coach we should keep. ST is our one strong point. Wow did I just type that? Anyways, and whom should take over? Cowher? He's not coming so I won't drool over possibilities. My guns call for one of two coaches.
Number 1, I'll take a Schottenheimer, Marty or Brian. They both seem to know what the hell their talking about and despite insistence from Abijah that the JETS can't run, they can. What area do we seriously need help in. The run. QB will be solved with Vick and Tebow. (It's gonna happen) Lynch is hurt WAAAAY too much and I consider him done. Let's give Fred Jackson okay money and see where that takes us. So G-Men, let us offer you another D Coordinator to cycle through. Because THAT seems to be your problem. Not the $100 million dollar QB with mush for brains. I wouldn't trust Eli Manning to lead a funeral processional let alone my NYC, NFL team. What a bum. I guarantee you if he read this, he'd make that shit-eating-face drop look he always does. I swear he was molested as a child.
Number 2: Marty Morning-wig. Like that? Who cares, my blog. Before you explode here's my reason. Because he failed miserably in Motown, I believe with a fresh start and good Ass-istants behind him, he can succeed. Call it blind faith. Enough with the NFL. My fingers hurt. Yeah yeah....yard duty. I've seen Happy Gilmore too.

Moving on....

In NBA observation news it seems like every time I turn around Gasol is hurt. Mind you Mamba is playing with a BROKEN INDEX FINGER ON HIS SHOOTING HAND! Growing up watching the purest shooter on the planet, #31, Mr. Get-outta-my-face-MJ, Reggie of course, shoot the sky out allows me to know one thing. Making consistent jumpers is hard. I mean I can barely sleep with a jammed thumb. Gasol's Charmin.
And let me break this down to you Laker fans. Bynum is GARBAGE. Not role player/Bruce Bowen garbage. I mean soft, only dominates "Centers" half his size, ALWAYS hurt, excuse magnet, ferocity of Oden, please keep triple teaming Kobe so I'm wide open SAUCE. For real, name me one legit Center he has EVER dominated. I don't think he can even dominate the back-ups on his own team. Who's the Lakers D-League team. Does Elton still play for them?
In Knickerboker news....Larry Hughes is complaining about playing time. Why isn't he playing. See the above paragraph and replace Gasol or Bynum with Hughes.
With the All-Star selections moving closer I just have to say one thing. Shouldn't there be a games limit on players that can garner votes? I mean TMac and even my hometown boy Iverson in NO way deserve to get votes. It saddens me that they are taking votes away from real guards who deserve it. Jesus Suttlesworth, D-Rose, and Joe Johnson for starters. Hey I'd even give Mr. 5000th assist a vote. (At the time of this posting he was ACTUALLY 9TH!!!) Shouldn't they set a precedent of say, you would have had to actually play in half your current teams games until the end of voting to have your votes stick. Not saying people can't vote, but if that player has not played all season, he's not an All-Star. Vote, and the if the player doesn't meet the standards oh well. Next in line gets the call. What he's done over the course of his career shouldn't matter. If that was the case Reggie would still be an all-star. Ok. Ok. Jordan would be an all-star. Unless I voted a million times (evil grimace) hahahahaha

But I've digressed, yet again.

To conclude tonight's edition I'd like to let you all in on a little information I was just given the pleasure of overhearing. Darryl "Rock Hound, Not Buscemi in Armaggedon, but more like cocaine addict" Strawberry is gonna be on this upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice. I now might have to watch. Should I listen to the Clipse during each telecast? J/S

Playoffs!? Mora or McDaniels?

Tonight's edition will be short and to the point. One: The lady cooked tacos tonight and tacos just happen to be my favorite meal. Two: It's the NFL playoffs edition and for starters the Broncos decided to bench Brandon Marshall. A person, mind you, that has been a thorn in their side since the beginning. A person for whom they high school expelled from preseason activities before this season. A person who has personally campaigned for his own departure. ALL THE WHILE maintaining his go-to status on the field, from the start of the season keep in mind. (did I mention he sat out of the preseason? oh yeah I did.) A person who just caught 21 passes, 36 over the last three weeks and has over a hundred on the season! With a bye and this "benching" included. That's why this deserves it's own posting. So here goes....

AFC
*I'm kind of disappointed that the Steelers didn't make it. Not so much because I wanted them to defend or Big Ben, but cause my Denbigh man Mike Tomlin. But at the end of the day that slide killed alot more than they thought. Oh well.
BTW My Bills finished 6-10. I predicted 3-13. Yay TO. Tim Tebow and Bill Cowhger here we come. My dream? Vick two year deal. I instantly purchase said Vick Bills jersey. Tebow back up until we realize he's a beast TE. So we convert. Oh what a team!

Byes Indy, San Diego

Speaking of SD. Who Knew?! And don't lie and say you did. You, just like I, both see LT's best years behind him. And we all knew Phillip Rivers was good, but man. He made me a believer. I now know they can succeed after LT's inevitable 2011 departure. Just make way for Sproles already. Speaking of washed up RB's....

Round 1

Patriots V. Ravens
Fred Taylor's corpse along with Brady & Co. will beat the Ravens. Why? Experience. The Patriots are clicking on all cylinders while the Ravens have been playing win or die football for weeks. They're exhausted. They have Flacco as QB. and The Patriots badly want a rematch with the Colts. Outcome Pats 27- Ravens 14

Cincy v The J E T S Jets JetsJets!(maybe)----typed at halftime of Jets/Bengals game

My hometown boys did it. This is my team that isn't named Buffalo. Well it's my ladies families team so that MAKES it my second team. But after watching this "perfect" first half, as it was quoted, I'll go ahead and sit back as Andre Johnson's frustration boils over. Hey Dre, there'll be a spot open in Buffalo after Mr. Say All, Do Nothing leaves. And Vick's there. I wish I could slip him a Bills rufee. Anyways, I believe this game proved exactly what the end result of this first round match up will be. The Jets D is just too much for the Bengals inconsistent O to overcome. 85 can't shake Revis so they have no threat. Unless you count Larry Johnson. But then you'd have to be playing Beat the Female. Didn't I see Dahni Jones hosting his own reality show recently?
Outcome Good Guys 20-10


NFC

Byes NO, Minn.

Here is where I will give a hint of what's gonna happen next round. I'll go old school and use the old saying, "It's all about how you're playing going into the playoffs". Whomever the Saints get next week, one team is going in weak. Stay tuned.

(I just came back from eating six tacos)

Round 1
Dallas V. Philly
Dallas and the worst superstar QB ever get a quick rematch against Philly, whom they just shut out! Wow. That's how you play when something large is at stake. Hmmm, I might be on to something. The G-Men pulled a Leon Lett and made asses of themselves in their last game in Giants Stadium. Then took another nice pile of crap today. The Eagles decided they wanted to give the division to Dallas and extended their New Years vacation. Do I smell a NFC East plague. The Deadskins had it practically all season, then the G-Men, then the Eagles. Well it is the playoffs, and we all know what DBag Romo does in the playoffs. J/S. Outcome Eagles 31-21

*side note: If you did not know my hatred for Tony Romo runs deep. One day soon I'll dedicate an entire blog to why he is THE worst QB I have ever seen. Not since Federline have I seen fame so unjustly warranted. And that smug smirk. He hasn't even won a playoff game!!!! Woo-Sah What a bum.

Green Bay V Arizona
As much as I want to say I care about this game I just don't. I predict Woodson will be able to shut down a WR. The bad part is the Cardinals have TWO really good receivers. Warner's always money in the playoffs. Cardinals 35-28


Here's something to ponder? Now I want you to answer this seriously. No BS because whatever your mind thinks is the truth. This is a two part-er. First: I need you to have watched the New Year's Eve ball drop on ABC, if you haven't go watch the telecast via your Internet source for retrieving videos, and Two: ask yourself this question.

Should Dick Clark really have hosted.

Terrible.

The AFL's back baby. Who cares?

What a poignant way to start off tonight's barn burner.
So my sources (the Internet) tell me that the once-defunct Arena Football League is coming back to fruition. It received a spit spine and is the new improved Arena Football One. I ask this. Why? Sure it's fun to imagine playing on half a field, with your wide receivers running routes like my boy Sam at an all you can eat BBQ, but come on. Is it a D-League? As a player, is it an excuse to tell your significant other that your "NFL dream" can still happen? Or, is it simply a league that gives my beloved Hampton Roads area a team to root for. Wait a Dunn minute! No Norfolk team?! Then by all means, can it. Jon Bon Jovi doesn't deserve a football team anyways.

Speaking of playing sports like you're in you're own backyard, the NHL continued their "Ooh see look what we did. Cool huh? Now, can you watch us?" gimmick of the season and played another outdoor hockey game. End result was a solid win for the Bruins as they chase Buffalo in the standings, but the real winners here? No one. Now, I'm all for outdoor games, and I am sure Recchi and the boys felt like they were 8 years old again skating around the ice outside. But give me a game that I could still enjoy in the upper tier section, in a different sports stadium. Imagine you allow the Lakers and Celtics to go....no scratch that. I can hear the naysayers already. Give me the Thunder and Bobcats and let these kids go hard. Not NBA hard, but Rucker park, we're outside now, on the blacktop, "The Goat"/Don Cheadle style and see how entertaining THAT would be. Then ask me how outside hockey compares.

Speaking of going hard, since moving up north I get the "pleasure" of watching the two worst teams (not by record, just off principle) in the NBA compete night in and night out. During their latest snooze fest, I noticed D'antoni finally took Nate Robinson off punishment and let him leave his room in the tune of a 41 point, 8 assist outburst. I mean he was drunk all over the court. If he tweeted it, I could of sworn he was Bow Wow. (Side note: Is Bow Wow even old enough to drink yet? Didn't I just see him in Like Mike?) But I digress. I guess the $25,000 fine woke him up. Or he played against a mediocre PG. Who'd they play again? The Hawks. Aah and the post shall set you free. Congratulations Mike Bibby on your 5,000Th assist, and for falling off the face of the planet.

Speaking of garbage, lucky for my Wildcats Pitino didn't try and seduce Bibby and Miles Simon back to college, and in turn my boys smacked Louisville today. Distribution of the ball and strong D led to a decisive win. 18/18 for the boy Cousins. Allow me to bask for a second. When was the last dominate UK squad? Exactly. Oh God grant me one more wish and let us see Duke in the dance. Where's your Laettner turn around now?

Lastly, I'd like to touch on something I've debated about for months now. Is Tebow going to be a solid NFL QB/player? Simply put, YES. Before you disagree think of it like this. How many big armed, Heisman trophy caliber, "solid" QB's have gone to the NFL and miserably flopped? Brady Quinn already, Leinert, Weinke, Crouch, too many to count. Heck I'd even put Sam Bradford in this bunch because I don't trust that weak shoulder. Now think about athletic QB's who have transistioned to solid ballers. One particular reminded me alot of Tebow when he was in college. Not a prototypical strong arm, terrible release point, but great wheels, and a killer winning instinct. Who? No not Vick, although he would qualify. The answer is none other than Mr.Crazy himself Vince Young. I NEVER thought Young would develop into a good, even decent, QB, but I have to say the man can just win. His team rally's around him and he delivers. This is the player I think Tebow will be. Maybe not a QB, but he will play. Have you seen the size of this kid. Hey Zeus, I don't think John McClain could stop him. And for good measure, who's BCS yardage record did Tebow just obliterate like Tyrone Biggum's $450,000 crack stash? Yep, Vince Young's. J/S

Tomorrow's edition will feature my NFL playoff wrap up. So Adam , there's your Saints/Colts breakdown. And for the record, neither is in my Super Bowl. Til next time.

Numero Uno

Welcome. welcome, welcome.

To answer your question. Because two things happened recently, that thrwated any consistency I knew in my version of the sports world into such disarray, I just had to do SOMETHING. First: Mr. All-America, Barack Obama before there was a Barack Obama, OUR ticket in, Tiger Woods goes and becomes human. SO human that sponsers are "re-thinking strategies", narcissistic athletes are whining that he won't pay them any attention, and his future baby mama is threatening to take them to Switzerland. Welp, good thing he's cool with Federer. From this I gained the knowledge that no one is perfect. Need eveidence, ask Brady. And Peyton. (With that in mind, this is my FRST blog entry. Be gentile.)
Secondly: ANDERSON VERAJAO HIT A NO WAY IN HELL, LUCKY, PUMP FAKE, GO-AHEAD THREE POINTER FOR THE CAVS WEDNESDAY NIGHT! Seriously? It was like Woody Harrelson hitting that hook from mid court to get Rosie on Joepardy. Is Celebrity Jeopardy next week?

So there's your intro. Two thoughts. No catchy use of the word Dunn needed.

Speaking of crazy NBAers. Why I'm not surprised Gilbert Aerenas would pull a gun on another player in the locker room, I am suprised to hear that A-Town's own Javaris Crittendon was on the other end. Who knew Critt was a banger? And seriously enough with Gilbert Aerenas. Shouldn't this be the last straw. Raise your hand if you seriously think Aerenas could take this team to the playoffs. He has two all-stars with him and he still can't advance. Put Deron Williams or Steve Nash on this team and they're off and running. But they're elite you say. Well, isn't Aerenas supposed to be?
Speaking of underperforming PG's. In today's where are they, I ask: What happened to Mike Bibby. Wasn't he once one of the top PG in the league. And he's not old is he? I mean sometimes I forget he even plays for the Hawks. And he doesn't even lead his own team in assists. Which in turn is causing him to lose minutes to Jeff Teague. Really?

Shifting to the individuals that play harder, yet get paid exactly zero dollars (that is booked anyway), let's turn our heads to NCAA Football. "Thank you Mike Leach". I was Texas Tech's AD right there. I haven't seen an individual set himself up for an inevitable firing so easily since Del Negro decided to dedicate his own personal "Tyreke Evans coming out, in the basketball way" party and blow a 35 point lead. They wanted him out and he screamed and harrassed the final blow right on cue. Nicely dunn. Sorry, had to.
Now to the most INCONSISTENT team on the planet, I had the plasure/pain of watching my Vols close the first half of last nights Chik Fila/Peach bowl in rousing fashion. A tough Hardesty run, and a little Crompton trickery tied it up at 14. Things were looking up. So I thought. As the last 18 seconds of the first half ticked off I saw UT's freshman CB Jackson play too close to the line as Virginia Tech's Boykin reels in a 63 yard perfectly thrown dart. A go-ahead field goal just before the half starts what leads to 23 unanswered and we lose 37-14. Congrats P. VT wins another
bowl.

In MLB news.
The Twins have yet to sign any of the dozens of third basemen on the market yet. Insiders say that Danny Valencia isn't ready for the Show yet. He's our top minor leaguer. He plays third base. We just suffered through a forseen Crede bad back-half season. You decided to let Derosa sign to waste away in San Fran. Apparently Beltre is too much. I'll take Aaron Boone at this point. Glad to see that Santana trade worked out. Yay JJ Hardy.
As teams fight to be the ones who end up regretting to have signed Aroldis Chapman, I say this. Good luck. I mean I watched him pitch in the classic, and though impressive, was a bit erratic. But he does hit 97 on the gun with consistency, you say. Well what I saw was someone who, if not getting the calls he thinks he should, starts firing the baseball instead of pitching. Then as the balls begin outnumbering the strikes, tries to "dart" as they say. And that's in the WBC. Imagine late September, playoffs. Pressure's on. My money's on he cracks. J/S.
Lastly, Chipper's considering retiring. No Way. Play until you can't walk just to hear your name announced on TBS. And Yank's, enjoy two more miserable years with Jaaanneeee Damun.

As I close out I figure I'll leave something to ponder. The lady thought I should say something like Dunn Right where I change something I see ineffective in sports like the Yankees signing whomever they want and start a salary cap in MLB. Then let's see how many "Yankee" fans there are when they finish fourth 8 years in a row.
But I think a question seems better. So here goes:

A huge deal was made of David Beckham singing with the MLS. Between his constant "rentals" to International teams, and unspirited play with his own Galaxy, what exactly is the point for keeping Becks in America?

Wait a Dunn-Minute! Like that? Oh well. Go Gilyard and Cincinnati in the Sugar Bowl tonight. I just want to see him torch Florida. Did I mention I'm a Vols fan?