Thank you all for your patience. Between acting rehearsals and wedding planning, Hay Dios Mio, there's not enough Dunn to go around. But here I am back to complain. And oh aren't there so many reasons. Tiger looks like a jerk with that goatee (BTW, so he confessed to Elin that the total number of infidelities is now 120. Does it matter? 1 or 120. Tiger, women don't care which it is. Ask MJ.) In addition to this blasphemy, what's the deal with Gordon getting his panties all in a bunch because JJ hurt his only chance for a win. You know what Jeff, get better. Than you won't have to wait to win. Crybaby.
Also, I must comment, briefly albeit, on the Caps collapse. This should be talked about more. This has new era Dallas Mavericks written all over it. And irony is alive and well looking at the now ended Spurs/Mavs series. Sorry no knowledgeable hockey match up to compare. Maybe the Sharks recent meltdowns, but this was 3-1! No way the Caps should have lost. And what happened? Did the Canadiens really want it that much more? Doubtful. Dirk..ehemm...sorry, Ovechkin simply could not do it all on his own. After being held without a SOG in game 1, Washington should have known something was up. Instead of adjusting accordingly they decided to take the 'ol this-can't-possibly-happen-again-in-a-million-years-approach and sat idly by whilst(love that word) Montreal decided to go all Red Sawx on them and take out the champ. Or should I say supposed Champ. My new pick: Blackhawks babay!
Now for the true purpose of this blog. I debated heavily if I should write what Lee suggested and talk about the lack of black athletes in boxing. Or was it baseball? Regardless, half of me is losing representation in two major sports. The RBI program can't possibly help it all, can it? Well Howard did just get $125 million, so maybe it can. More on this in a future entry. Instead, I decided to talk about the athletes that I hate. I love to complain about everything in sports and these "good" players, for whatever reasons, just haven't been able to convince me that they are worthy. My perception can be changed so don't think I am simply a hater. I hated Neyo the singer. I thought he was being force fed down my throat because their just weren't any other R&B singers out there. Are you truly good if you are the only one? A question T-Pain should ask himself. Eventually Neyo convinced me through an interview that he is just a guy who likes music and tries to make it to the best of his ability. Fine. I'll take that. I just think these athletes are all garbage for their very own personal reasons, which I will detail. This will start with the players I only kind of dislike and will end with a full meltdown on Robinson Cano. It actually just angered me to even type his name.
First up: Andrew Bynum/Joakim Noah
They get coupled in a category simply because essentially they embody the kind of garbage play/announcer love that only Varajao or Bruce Bowen could have garnered. First Bynum.
Has there ever been a more garbage player who the Association thought was a beast? Before you answer, ask yourself this question. Since Bynum has come into the league, when he hasn't been injured (which is always), name me one All-Star caliber, no, not even, name me one average CENTER (Not PF masking as C, but true C) he has dominated? Anyone? Anyone? And Nenad Kristic definitely doesn't fucking count. (Waiting patiently as the Jeopardy theme plays) Any? Exactly. None. He is the softest, weakest, most untested, shrinking when the game is on the line, big man I have ever seen. And you're reading someone who witnessed the Kwame Brown, Darko, Oden, AND Never Nervous Pervis fiasco's. He whines when he's touched. A 14 and 7 night is a BIG deal for him, AND he plays in an era where it is widespread knowledge that the true Center is an endangered position. He plays with the best player in the game (barely) right now, another big man who can shoot or play inside, who's an All-Star himself BTW which causes the other teams big to leave Bynum for a better player, and he still can't dominate. Regardless how much shorter or lighter the comp is. Bynum is a soft bitch and because of my hatred for him I won't even get into Noah. I will say this about Noah though. If Florida didn't have Brewer and Horford to help them win b2b National Championships, Noah wouldn't even have gotten drafted. Now he has the balls to question the Cavs? Get serious Noah. Make 1 jumper. Just 1, and then you can compare games. And I am not talking about Noah in the Monte' Ellis sense. A player who was so good that a rookie made him instantly trade bait and insignificant. Yeah you're a beast Ellis. To the Ellis family.
Before I get to the most overrated player in the history of sports please let me send huge F.U.'s to these players who could have gotten a comment or two, but the human brain doesn't have that much of an attention span. So, Redskins version of McNabb, T.O., Romo, the Cowboys, and the Bills brass, your NFL time will come.
Til then....
Oh Robinson Cano, how I loathe thee. Has there ever been a player in a more forgiving situation who thought that being surrounded by HofF talent actually made you one? Maybe Wes Welker? Or Bruce Bowen? Or Derek Fisher? No, they don't come close. Cano is garbage. Why you ask? Because he has had constant protection around him since he joined the Yankees. And how hard is it to play on a team that I could start 2nd base for? If you can remotely hit a fastball you can thrive in his position. Having Jete, Tex, Posada, Matsui, A-Rod, and Damon all hitting before you will get you a lot of fastballs. The pitcher is so worried about the other true All-Stars (not Torre picking you because of favoritism, but true All-Stars), he is ready to burn right through Cano, Nady, Swisher, Cairo, Gardner, and what ever other filler is down there. Ok, so you hit a few solid shots over that Little League porch in right. Congrats. Here's my proof that he sucks. Put Cano on any other team. Matter of fact, switch him with Hill form the Jays and try to tell me that you would have even heard of Cano by now. The only reason anyone knows who he is is because he plays for the Yanks. He would be a .275/18/78 guy a season easily away from the confines of the Bronx. Is that an All-Star? Maybe if he was the lone rep from the Pirates. And I know for a fact he couldn't beat out McCutcheon or maybe even Lastings. Well Lastings might have been a stretch, but you get the point. Please debate me on this issue because I love to bash this guy. The League, and myself, will be much happier when he finally loses his spot on the team. Until then, I guess I'll have to endure you. Did I just quote Edward Cullen? I wish a vampire was here to massacre Cano. Oh dreams. Til Monday.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
The week that still is
What a sports weeks! Everything that is possible happened in every sport. Hat tricks, No-Hitters, Retirements, Signings, Suspensions, AND Roethlisberger got suspended 6 games! I exclaimed that simply out of hate. Really. This is the second girl he has "raped". Why doesn't society realize just how much of a creep this guy is. These assholes would probably let their virgin sister camp out at one of his Hang with Big Ben fan sleepovers. As his sister shows up the next day, a much more tormented person than the day previous, this asshole is sitting there wondering why not only why was his sister the only person who showed up, but why he wasn't also invited. Big Ben is a creep and karma will come.... guns blazing. Phew, now that I got that out, how bout some ranting.....
Lorena Ochoa retired from the LPGA this week, citing the need to start a family. So is that what we're calling it on the women's side? Tiger just admitted to banging mad girls. Having only consistently seen one female golfer that shared Ochoa's dominance, I have to only assume that she's doing as Tiger did. The same as in having sex with mad women. Because Sorenstam was a lesbot. Get that?
Speaking of retiring, the Pats signed Torry Holt this week to a 1-year deal. So after this FA signing, mark that as another FA signing with an AFC East team. And, that team once again is not the Buffalo Bills. Got it. Just keeping score here.
Not to be outdone, the Jets signed their own aging beast, Jason Taylor to a 2 year deal. Hmh. Scratch that. Other AFC East teams: a billion signings. Buffalo: zero. Thanks Bills.
As much as I have enjoyed watching Sid the Kid toy with the opposition in his new quest to overtake Gretzky as the best ever, instead of just becoming a great player, I have just slightly less enjoyed watching Papi's utter collapse, Sosa-style, right before my eyes. "I didn't never take steroids!" Is that what he said? Maybe not, but it should have been. Then I would have chalked up his blatant lie as complete ignorance. Seeing that Volquez just somewhat derailed his career by taking the wrong Dominican drug in an effort to heal more rapidly from Tommy John surgery,(in my own opinion BTW) I can only assume that Papi was seeing the same quack. This is what you get for leaving the Twins, Ortiz. Enjoy. Ask Marty Cordova, Chuck Knobluach, Jacque Jones, Eric Milton, and Corey Koskie. It's a curse. Watch out Garza and Bartlett. Or should I say Rays?
In extra kudos, high fives to Matt Kemp for leading the NL in RBIs(through Tuesday) and to Rihanna for leading the music industry in back shots taken. Here's to both of you in finally finding your swing. Yahtzee!
Lastly I'd like to express my remorse for the International athletes that risked their lives in order to trek across land and sea, just to lose in the Boston Marathon. I mean if it was the New York I'd get it. At least you would be in NY. Hope it was worth it. And you still can't get back home. Idiots.
Lorena Ochoa retired from the LPGA this week, citing the need to start a family. So is that what we're calling it on the women's side? Tiger just admitted to banging mad girls. Having only consistently seen one female golfer that shared Ochoa's dominance, I have to only assume that she's doing as Tiger did. The same as in having sex with mad women. Because Sorenstam was a lesbot. Get that?
Speaking of retiring, the Pats signed Torry Holt this week to a 1-year deal. So after this FA signing, mark that as another FA signing with an AFC East team. And, that team once again is not the Buffalo Bills. Got it. Just keeping score here.
Not to be outdone, the Jets signed their own aging beast, Jason Taylor to a 2 year deal. Hmh. Scratch that. Other AFC East teams: a billion signings. Buffalo: zero. Thanks Bills.
As much as I have enjoyed watching Sid the Kid toy with the opposition in his new quest to overtake Gretzky as the best ever, instead of just becoming a great player, I have just slightly less enjoyed watching Papi's utter collapse, Sosa-style, right before my eyes. "I didn't never take steroids!" Is that what he said? Maybe not, but it should have been. Then I would have chalked up his blatant lie as complete ignorance. Seeing that Volquez just somewhat derailed his career by taking the wrong Dominican drug in an effort to heal more rapidly from Tommy John surgery,(in my own opinion BTW) I can only assume that Papi was seeing the same quack. This is what you get for leaving the Twins, Ortiz. Enjoy. Ask Marty Cordova, Chuck Knobluach, Jacque Jones, Eric Milton, and Corey Koskie. It's a curse. Watch out Garza and Bartlett. Or should I say Rays?
In extra kudos, high fives to Matt Kemp for leading the NL in RBIs(through Tuesday) and to Rihanna for leading the music industry in back shots taken. Here's to both of you in finally finding your swing. Yahtzee!
Lastly I'd like to express my remorse for the International athletes that risked their lives in order to trek across land and sea, just to lose in the Boston Marathon. I mean if it was the New York I'd get it. At least you would be in NY. Hope it was worth it. And you still can't get back home. Idiots.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Random like a baby with Tourette's
One day hockey and the next, basketball. How I love April and the sign of the end of the insignificant sports. This of course dawning a shining light on the next four months of Americas game! And my Twins are rolling. Problem is, so is the Phillies. Can they lose? I submit that they cannot.
So before I give my NBA picks I have to comment briefly about T-Mac's impending retirement. Oh you haven't heard of it? Well he just released a statement stating how if he couldn't get back to top notch form then he would rather retire. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the beginning of the end of the high-school-to-NBA era. T-Mac will lead, and Kobe, Rashard Lewis, Kendrick Perkins, KG, Tyson Chandler, and Eddy Curry will soon follow. People do not understand that these guys started playing when they were 18-19 years old. Long before their bodies had even fully developed. Now those knees have taken 13-15 years worth of constant running and grinding. None of these guys will last to age 35, and they shouldn't. Now we'll truly see if not going to college will be a help or a hindrance for life after the NBA. Remember, unless they invested well, this League money won't last forever. So happy trails T-Mac because there is no way you are regaining anything close to NBA Starter form. Sorry. But thanks for the memories.
Here we go....
So I had started to write an entire breakdown of the match ups and life got in the way. Considering now that it is Monday and games have started I figured the NBA just gave me a mulligan. Seeing that most of these first round match ups are complete yawners (Magic-Bobcats/Jazz-Nuggets) unless of course you are a fan of said teams, analyzing outcomes seems like a better route. So again, but on a different route, here we go....
Ooohh did you see Garnett miss Q Rich with that elbow. I didn't know that missing with a punch constituted a suspension. And how do we know he was even going after Q? That seemed more like a defensive swinging elbow that could have connected with anyone nearby. This was not at all the sliding J. O'Neal full connection that we had in the Pacers/Pistons scrap. Being that it caused a mini Knicks-Heat mid 90's circle jerk helps me partly understand the suspension, but as I heard millions of times like it was a top ten pop hit the geniuses have deemed Garnett the "Emotional Leader" of the Celtics. If that's the case, shouldn't we expect this. And if you are billing a guy for that mantra shouldn't he deliver. I guarantee if Garnett would have walked off and little Nate would have gone all Napoleon on an opponent, Nate would suddenly be re-deemed crazy and would be out the rest of the first round, and Garnett would be "smart" for walking away. How does this add up? Chalk it up to KG being a veteran? I guess. Celtics are still winning this series. Just probably not the next. DWade made it apparent that he couldn't do everything himself.
Oh man the Bobcats almost beat the Magic. They won't get this close again. Clean sweep.
No Kirilenko means what you just saw this weekend. Melo is gonna average 40 with no D on him. Boozer, Millsap, and whomever else are all too slow. AND they just lost Okur. That equates to another clean sweep. Well, maybe Day-ron can provide an unbelievable game to get them one in Salt Lake. But that's it.
The other series don't matter so we'll revisit in round two.
In something I have to add simply because this is the most random entry yet, the Niners added Ginn Jr. to complement Crabtree. So this is how you answer your receiving problems? Add an unproven college star opposite the exact same thing? Hmm. And this happened because Ginn became expendable when he decided to suck dick his first two seasons in Miami. He ran terrible routes and couldn't catch or get seperation when he did finish one, further proving to be no kind of offensive threat. How do I know? I had him on my fantasy team last year. Every week he gave me nothing. The week he did do something (returned two kicks back; both over 100 yards), I sat him. Screw Ginn. Good riddens.
Two people let me know two very different view points that this brings up. First, my good pal Arthur, a man for whom I consult on all hilarious 80's movie trivia quotes (BTW, how funny, and utterly unbelievable is the ice block breaking scene in Karate Kid 2!) and underground hip hip comparisons (Yes, I heard Skills '09 rap-up, as solid as the others), and is a true Niners fan, calmly summed it up by stating "I can't believe we signed this loser! We already have an underachieving WR." My sentiments exactly. Secondly, Abijah states that the Dolphins losing Ginn, yet gaining Brandon Marshall, coupled with the Jets two year revamp, compounds the fact that the Bills have only gotten worse, as everyone else in the AFC East has vastly improved. Are we the new Lions? God I hope not. Vick/Tebow '10. PLEASE!!!!
So before I give my NBA picks I have to comment briefly about T-Mac's impending retirement. Oh you haven't heard of it? Well he just released a statement stating how if he couldn't get back to top notch form then he would rather retire. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the beginning of the end of the high-school-to-NBA era. T-Mac will lead, and Kobe, Rashard Lewis, Kendrick Perkins, KG, Tyson Chandler, and Eddy Curry will soon follow. People do not understand that these guys started playing when they were 18-19 years old. Long before their bodies had even fully developed. Now those knees have taken 13-15 years worth of constant running and grinding. None of these guys will last to age 35, and they shouldn't. Now we'll truly see if not going to college will be a help or a hindrance for life after the NBA. Remember, unless they invested well, this League money won't last forever. So happy trails T-Mac because there is no way you are regaining anything close to NBA Starter form. Sorry. But thanks for the memories.
Here we go....
So I had started to write an entire breakdown of the match ups and life got in the way. Considering now that it is Monday and games have started I figured the NBA just gave me a mulligan. Seeing that most of these first round match ups are complete yawners (Magic-Bobcats/Jazz-Nuggets) unless of course you are a fan of said teams, analyzing outcomes seems like a better route. So again, but on a different route, here we go....
Ooohh did you see Garnett miss Q Rich with that elbow. I didn't know that missing with a punch constituted a suspension. And how do we know he was even going after Q? That seemed more like a defensive swinging elbow that could have connected with anyone nearby. This was not at all the sliding J. O'Neal full connection that we had in the Pacers/Pistons scrap. Being that it caused a mini Knicks-Heat mid 90's circle jerk helps me partly understand the suspension, but as I heard millions of times like it was a top ten pop hit the geniuses have deemed Garnett the "Emotional Leader" of the Celtics. If that's the case, shouldn't we expect this. And if you are billing a guy for that mantra shouldn't he deliver. I guarantee if Garnett would have walked off and little Nate would have gone all Napoleon on an opponent, Nate would suddenly be re-deemed crazy and would be out the rest of the first round, and Garnett would be "smart" for walking away. How does this add up? Chalk it up to KG being a veteran? I guess. Celtics are still winning this series. Just probably not the next. DWade made it apparent that he couldn't do everything himself.
Oh man the Bobcats almost beat the Magic. They won't get this close again. Clean sweep.
No Kirilenko means what you just saw this weekend. Melo is gonna average 40 with no D on him. Boozer, Millsap, and whomever else are all too slow. AND they just lost Okur. That equates to another clean sweep. Well, maybe Day-ron can provide an unbelievable game to get them one in Salt Lake. But that's it.
The other series don't matter so we'll revisit in round two.
In something I have to add simply because this is the most random entry yet, the Niners added Ginn Jr. to complement Crabtree. So this is how you answer your receiving problems? Add an unproven college star opposite the exact same thing? Hmm. And this happened because Ginn became expendable when he decided to suck dick his first two seasons in Miami. He ran terrible routes and couldn't catch or get seperation when he did finish one, further proving to be no kind of offensive threat. How do I know? I had him on my fantasy team last year. Every week he gave me nothing. The week he did do something (returned two kicks back; both over 100 yards), I sat him. Screw Ginn. Good riddens.
Two people let me know two very different view points that this brings up. First, my good pal Arthur, a man for whom I consult on all hilarious 80's movie trivia quotes (BTW, how funny, and utterly unbelievable is the ice block breaking scene in Karate Kid 2!) and underground hip hip comparisons (Yes, I heard Skills '09 rap-up, as solid as the others), and is a true Niners fan, calmly summed it up by stating "I can't believe we signed this loser! We already have an underachieving WR." My sentiments exactly. Secondly, Abijah states that the Dolphins losing Ginn, yet gaining Brandon Marshall, coupled with the Jets two year revamp, compounds the fact that the Bills have only gotten worse, as everyone else in the AFC East has vastly improved. Are we the new Lions? God I hope not. Vick/Tebow '10. PLEASE!!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
White Men Can't Lump
So I was all set to talk about the hockey playoffs and give my picks, but two other stories have overwhelmed the sports section of my brain like the sweetest greenery, just after reading them this morning. First, GO UK BABY. My off season of discontent has suddenly busted a hard right towards Yayville! We just managed to not only wrap up the number one recruit of '10, but also the top junior recruit in the nation. They want to be teammates! Yay, brotherhood. So now that I truly believe we are losing FIVE players (including Orton, a frosh whom I loved and would have developed into a monster had he waited a couple years), this gives some solace in the idea that we will compete next year. And the one year after. Then, hopefully, more shifty Cal recruits.
Second story: So how do we know that the Bulls have officially hit rock bottom, D Rose needs to bail, Del Negro needs the boot, and D-Wade would be wise to stay at South Beach? Because MJ's 90's bitch teammate Paxson, and Vinny D reportedly had a rather intense shoving match and verbal altercation over too many minutes given to a top tier player. Top-tier player! Joakim fucking Noah!!!!! Seriously. He sucks dick. It's as simple as that. So the story is Paxson wanted to limit Noah's minutes because he sees him as a staple of their long term plans. (wheels screeching) Really. Long term plans! That should end it right there. If Noah is the answer to any long term plan, even if it's to find the ugliest person in the NBA, who also happens to be the most garbage, and named Joakim Noah, I still wouldn't pick him. I'd take a mulligan. Del Negro should be fired for playing him too much. There wasn't a fan in the stands who could have subbed in? I'm sure John Salley is out there somewhere. Hell, he banged hard in Eddie. Here's to the Bulls guarateeingly never advancing deep in the playoffs. Well, there's some hope for the Pacers.
Now the main event. I'll do this quick like because I have so much work to do to night, I shouldn't be writing this much.
East
Washington v. Montreal
Caps are rolling the Nation. Ovechkin is simply too much and their offense is potent as hell. Caps in 5.
New Jersey v. Philadelphia
The Devils will win, not because they are the higher seed, but because ever since the Olympics I have totally hearted Zach Parise. The Flyers do have the momentum, but the skill is what they lack. Devils in 5.
Buffalo v. Boston
This was the hardest for me to pick simply because of the netminders. Miller gives the Sabres a slight edge, but do not sleep on the Bruins brutal D. They pound hard and can knock you out if you're not looking. But, I think Miller is simply too good of a goalie, and the Bruins just don't have the offense. Sabres in 6.
Pittsburgh v. Ottawa
Malkin + Sid = Not a match. Pens in 5.
West
San Jose v. Colorado
Oh the days when the Avalanche were mighty. I loved hockey then. And with the way the Sharks play like the Mavs in BB come playoff time, there is reason for concern. But the way we are playing right now, especially after making me pay attention as we fought for, and took, the number 1 seed leads me to believe that this is the year baby. Or, next year. But the first round is easy. Colorado is simply too young. Sharks in 5.
Chicago v. Nashville
Kane + good team = win. Hawks in 6.
Vancouver v. Los Angeles
The popular upset is this seeding. I think not. I love Luongo. Sorry. Canucks in 6.
Phoenix v. Detroit
League owned team could send fireworks soaring through the desert air if they beat the NHL's Yankees. But, considering that reference it won't happen. Yet. Wings in 6.
These are set in stone people. Til tomorrow.
Second story: So how do we know that the Bulls have officially hit rock bottom, D Rose needs to bail, Del Negro needs the boot, and D-Wade would be wise to stay at South Beach? Because MJ's 90's bitch teammate Paxson, and Vinny D reportedly had a rather intense shoving match and verbal altercation over too many minutes given to a top tier player. Top-tier player! Joakim fucking Noah!!!!! Seriously. He sucks dick. It's as simple as that. So the story is Paxson wanted to limit Noah's minutes because he sees him as a staple of their long term plans. (wheels screeching) Really. Long term plans! That should end it right there. If Noah is the answer to any long term plan, even if it's to find the ugliest person in the NBA, who also happens to be the most garbage, and named Joakim Noah, I still wouldn't pick him. I'd take a mulligan. Del Negro should be fired for playing him too much. There wasn't a fan in the stands who could have subbed in? I'm sure John Salley is out there somewhere. Hell, he banged hard in Eddie. Here's to the Bulls guarateeingly never advancing deep in the playoffs. Well, there's some hope for the Pacers.
Now the main event. I'll do this quick like because I have so much work to do to night, I shouldn't be writing this much.
East
Washington v. Montreal
Caps are rolling the Nation. Ovechkin is simply too much and their offense is potent as hell. Caps in 5.
New Jersey v. Philadelphia
The Devils will win, not because they are the higher seed, but because ever since the Olympics I have totally hearted Zach Parise. The Flyers do have the momentum, but the skill is what they lack. Devils in 5.
Buffalo v. Boston
This was the hardest for me to pick simply because of the netminders. Miller gives the Sabres a slight edge, but do not sleep on the Bruins brutal D. They pound hard and can knock you out if you're not looking. But, I think Miller is simply too good of a goalie, and the Bruins just don't have the offense. Sabres in 6.
Pittsburgh v. Ottawa
Malkin + Sid = Not a match. Pens in 5.
West
San Jose v. Colorado
Oh the days when the Avalanche were mighty. I loved hockey then. And with the way the Sharks play like the Mavs in BB come playoff time, there is reason for concern. But the way we are playing right now, especially after making me pay attention as we fought for, and took, the number 1 seed leads me to believe that this is the year baby. Or, next year. But the first round is easy. Colorado is simply too young. Sharks in 5.
Chicago v. Nashville
Kane + good team = win. Hawks in 6.
Vancouver v. Los Angeles
The popular upset is this seeding. I think not. I love Luongo. Sorry. Canucks in 6.
Phoenix v. Detroit
League owned team could send fireworks soaring through the desert air if they beat the NHL's Yankees. But, considering that reference it won't happen. Yet. Wings in 6.
These are set in stone people. Til tomorrow.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Close, but no cigar
First and foremost, screw Tiger Woods. Who says that Tiger winning the Masters would have to be the best story ever. Being that I am in the "I love my lady eternally" frame of mind being recently engaged, I have to say that Lefty winning it after suffering through his wife's cancer for the last year, is not only a better story, but much more special. So what if your main attraction slept with half the porn industry, probably caught a disease, and then came back to "almost" win. Good for him. Compare that to second fiddle athlete completely overshadows mega-star/adulterer/global icon to win the Masters despite fighting alongside his wife who is battling life threatening cancer. Uh, I'll take the latter. I refuse to celebrate a man who put himself in his own predicament. Phil, way to fight off the field, including a rejuvenated Fred Couples, and win. Those late round birdies were key. Still no four rounds of under 70, but hey you prevailed. At 16 under no less! Congrats. We should celebrate his win, not Tiger's fourth place finish. (Though I will admit, damn, fourth. He is a beast.)
In what the fuck is this, Molsen? news, man oh man. Apologies to Dobbs, but what a finale in this season's race for Rocket Ricard's trophy. Ovechkin just couldn't do EVERYTHING could he? Loser. LOL But let's not dwell on Ovechkin's near tie, lord knows he tried, but let us celebrate the clutchness of Crosby and Stamkos. Crosby scoring two goals to seemingly seal the goals scoring title, and Stamkos getting a lucky as hell empty netter to tie was the type of down-to-the-wire title chasing this sport needs. Good thing Florida couldn't make a game of it or Sid might have had the outright trophy. But no one minds sharing. Right? And as stated, kudos to Alex for trying hard to match with SOG attempt after attempt. He just couldn't get that last wrister. Too bad, so THIS year you won't win the title. Also, extra NYC non-kudos to the Rangers pulling an Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2 and nutting on the last shot in your Shootout to lose not only the game, but your playoff hopes. Or should I be congratulating the Flyers for finally getting past the ghost/stink of Lindros. Either way, nothing good came out of this. Here's to the Sharks making it atleast to the West Finals. If not, I might have to switch teams. Yes, I know, it's against Dunn rules to switch teams, but this team's love was based solely on the color of a 1995 Starter jacket. Not exactly Fallon in Fever Pitch here. Who am I kidding, Caps in 6 over the Blackhawks. I can't believe I just typed Blackhawks. Hey, The Rays made it in MLB so anything can happen.
In NBA news, the Bulls beatdown of the Bosh-less Raptors solidified the last spot in the East, ensuring the Bulls now get the chance to be swept out of the first round by the Cavs. Yay! (Sarcastic enthusiasm) So Bosh, have I mentioned my Pacers ended this season on a great win streak? Well not streak, but we won more in the last month than we did all season so that's got to mean something. After we draft Wall, I'm looking to pick up Bosh. OOOhhhhweeee new campaign! Wall/Bosh '10 for the Pacers. Alongside Granger, what a trio that would represent! Someone get me Donny Walsh....., oh yeah, he's directing the Knicks now. Welp, there that dream went. A dream deferred until next draft. Oh and I am sorry to disappoint, but the Lakers look tired. They will not only not win the West, but will be out in the second round. Print that! Oh, I just did.
Lastly, the Steelers 86'd Santonio and shipped him to my hometown Jets for a fifth round draft pick. The league then swiftly suspended Holmes for the first four games due to violation of the leagues substance abuse policy. Understandable that this will not fly, but please explain to me how was this a good move for the Steelers again? They already had zero receiving options (tell-tell sign? Holmes caught the game winner and was MVP of their last SB win.) They have a QB who can't keep his hands to himself*, was distracted this offseason, and WILL show up bothered by it next season. So then you have THAT to deal with. My main Newport News man Tomlin looks fed up with all of them and that can't be good. Well in better news, the Jets just continued their development into one of the leagues elite. Better on defense, offense, and ST (check Coach Ryan clamoring for Leon to go back to his deadly returning days) all points to a winning team. So long Pats and Dolphins (especially if the latter let their D leader Jason Taylor leave to who else?-the Jets). Notice I didn't put the Bills? Because not only are we already out of it, but they are going gaga over Clausen, knowing that my dream team of Vick/Tebow will be the only thing that will allow us to secure the FA no one is talking about; Brandon f-ing Marshall! We certainly won't get him if we draft Clausen, besides a second round pick will be what we have to give up to get him. Plus, I still have a sour taste in my mouth from when big brother(Jimmy)Clausen was a Vol. You know what, nevermind. According to my buddy Sam, Primetime's homeboy Bryant should be available with that second round pick so we should be fine in the developmental troubled WR front. So here's to the Jets steamrolling the comp. I can't wait for this draft. The speculation is killing me.
*So Roethlisberger didn't get charged. No shit, Sherlock. Was he ever going to be? When the videotape got "recorded over" (of course), that was that. Oh Ben, between face first window smashing motorcycle crashes, and face first vagina plants, your karma has to eventually run out. I hope you are no where near me when it does.
In what the fuck is this, Molsen? news, man oh man. Apologies to Dobbs, but what a finale in this season's race for Rocket Ricard's trophy. Ovechkin just couldn't do EVERYTHING could he? Loser. LOL But let's not dwell on Ovechkin's near tie, lord knows he tried, but let us celebrate the clutchness of Crosby and Stamkos. Crosby scoring two goals to seemingly seal the goals scoring title, and Stamkos getting a lucky as hell empty netter to tie was the type of down-to-the-wire title chasing this sport needs. Good thing Florida couldn't make a game of it or Sid might have had the outright trophy. But no one minds sharing. Right? And as stated, kudos to Alex for trying hard to match with SOG attempt after attempt. He just couldn't get that last wrister. Too bad, so THIS year you won't win the title. Also, extra NYC non-kudos to the Rangers pulling an Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2 and nutting on the last shot in your Shootout to lose not only the game, but your playoff hopes. Or should I be congratulating the Flyers for finally getting past the ghost/stink of Lindros. Either way, nothing good came out of this. Here's to the Sharks making it atleast to the West Finals. If not, I might have to switch teams. Yes, I know, it's against Dunn rules to switch teams, but this team's love was based solely on the color of a 1995 Starter jacket. Not exactly Fallon in Fever Pitch here. Who am I kidding, Caps in 6 over the Blackhawks. I can't believe I just typed Blackhawks. Hey, The Rays made it in MLB so anything can happen.
In NBA news, the Bulls beatdown of the Bosh-less Raptors solidified the last spot in the East, ensuring the Bulls now get the chance to be swept out of the first round by the Cavs. Yay! (Sarcastic enthusiasm) So Bosh, have I mentioned my Pacers ended this season on a great win streak? Well not streak, but we won more in the last month than we did all season so that's got to mean something. After we draft Wall, I'm looking to pick up Bosh. OOOhhhhweeee new campaign! Wall/Bosh '10 for the Pacers. Alongside Granger, what a trio that would represent! Someone get me Donny Walsh....., oh yeah, he's directing the Knicks now. Welp, there that dream went. A dream deferred until next draft. Oh and I am sorry to disappoint, but the Lakers look tired. They will not only not win the West, but will be out in the second round. Print that! Oh, I just did.
Lastly, the Steelers 86'd Santonio and shipped him to my hometown Jets for a fifth round draft pick. The league then swiftly suspended Holmes for the first four games due to violation of the leagues substance abuse policy. Understandable that this will not fly, but please explain to me how was this a good move for the Steelers again? They already had zero receiving options (tell-tell sign? Holmes caught the game winner and was MVP of their last SB win.) They have a QB who can't keep his hands to himself*, was distracted this offseason, and WILL show up bothered by it next season. So then you have THAT to deal with. My main Newport News man Tomlin looks fed up with all of them and that can't be good. Well in better news, the Jets just continued their development into one of the leagues elite. Better on defense, offense, and ST (check Coach Ryan clamoring for Leon to go back to his deadly returning days) all points to a winning team. So long Pats and Dolphins (especially if the latter let their D leader Jason Taylor leave to who else?-the Jets). Notice I didn't put the Bills? Because not only are we already out of it, but they are going gaga over Clausen, knowing that my dream team of Vick/Tebow will be the only thing that will allow us to secure the FA no one is talking about; Brandon f-ing Marshall! We certainly won't get him if we draft Clausen, besides a second round pick will be what we have to give up to get him. Plus, I still have a sour taste in my mouth from when big brother(Jimmy)Clausen was a Vol. You know what, nevermind. According to my buddy Sam, Primetime's homeboy Bryant should be available with that second round pick so we should be fine in the developmental troubled WR front. So here's to the Jets steamrolling the comp. I can't wait for this draft. The speculation is killing me.
*So Roethlisberger didn't get charged. No shit, Sherlock. Was he ever going to be? When the videotape got "recorded over" (of course), that was that. Oh Ben, between face first window smashing motorcycle crashes, and face first vagina plants, your karma has to eventually run out. I hope you are no where near me when it does.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Eye of the "Tiger"
So raise your hands if you saw this coming? OK, so you, you, and the gentleman in the back with the unassuming stare, yes, you as well. Please all lower your hands because no one could have imagined that not only would Tiger perform on Day 1, but that he would set new personal bests in the process. Never had two Eagles in a round? Check. Overcome the largest adversity so far of your career. Check. He received an ovation much more rousing than I would have ever guessed and looked, well, calm on the course. I mean, he even shot the lowest first round of his career. So let me get this straight. Leave your athletic driven profession cold turkey. Go through your worst nightmare (well mine, because we have already broken down how much he could care less about wife and family), so we'll say worst media assassination. Come back on the grandest stage after not participating in your profession in months. What would happen to most of us? A complete meltdown due to an utter lack of focus, skill, and concentration. Tiger's response? So far, dominate like you never left. Who is this guy? An absolute beast in his sport, that's who. Good luck Tiger!
It is also worth mentioning, how exciting is it to see ol' Fred Couples take the early pedestal? I feel like I just fell backwards 20 years. Who's his closet comp? The Shark? Golf, baby. I wish I cared more.
Speaking of beasts, here is my wrap up from a somewhat subdued first week of baseball. (BTW, I think I might just sum up points from the night before when it comes to relaying baseball info. I debated hard about how to do this sport that is played so frequently, and I knew game by game would suck. Let me know what you think. Keep it, or Bleep it?)
-Now to the beast. Sir Albert. Why is he so good? No, that was question. But I'll try and answer as if it were a statement. Not because he led off the season with a two homer game. Not because he is the reason the Cards have started off so well. Simply because of a simple pitch sequence between he and Bronson (Who was named after Charles Bronson. Who Knew?) Arroyo. The Cards had a runner on second. It was a 1-1 ball game, late, and Holliday was up next. What happens? Arroyo manages to just miss the plate with four consecutive pitches, seemingly giving Pujols a free pass and taking his chances on Holliday. Can you get any better respect with out doing so many steroids that you look like Griffey in that old Simpsons baseball episode where Burns hires baseball players to beat his companies, Homer Simpson-led softball team. (Here's looking at you Bonds) This is how. Any erratic batter would have swung out of the zone. It was almost as if Arroyo said "No, Thanks" and Albert politely obliged. Moral of the story, Holliday flew out to end the inning and Gomes hit a 9th inning walk-off to win it for the Redlegs. Respect. The Aretha kind.
-What's with the Twins power display?! I love it, that's what! DYK, we are leading the league in taters so far this season? I have been telling people for years we have a young team and when these kids grow up they are going to terrorize the league. You should have heeded my warning. And to make matters that much better, Thome goes deep! Hardy has already regained the power depleted from him during last year's injury riddled campaign. Thanks Brew Crew for giving up on a guy who averaged 20 homers for three straight years, gets injured and slips, so you ship him off for a person who hasn't, and won't, hit twenty homers in his career. Have I thanked them enough yet? Never! Extra kudos to O-Dog's defense. God he's good and he's already saved four runs for us. In the first four games! Last year Casilla and Punto. This year O-Dog and Hardy. Life is great in Minny.
-So Yanks-Sox take too long. WTF else is new. Get over it. These two teams generate more revenue for the league than every other team combined ( Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it's close). So umps, if you don't like it, call balls, eject, do whatever you have to do to speed it up. If there is nothing else you can do, SHUT THE HELL UP and worry about why your strike zone has been bouncing all over the place!
-Mets. LOL. After Santana. Feces.
-The Nats sure look like they are having fun. Too bad it's not like cool kid Spring Break fun and more like crackhead finally scores and feels momentary euphoria fun. They'll lose 100, again. Good luck next year when Strasburg has a full season to help you.
-Hideki Matsui is a beast. Hands down. The Yanks WILL miss his bat. As much as it pains me to say. God I hate the Yankees.
-Here is the time when I tell you I was completely wrong about a player and you say I told you so. Well, none of us knew, but I'll tell you what. Vlad, injury free, IS A KILLER. Check his stats right now. Has he even gotten out? (Don't worry I did the work for you. He's batting .636. .636!!! I know it's just the first week but, damn.)
-The M's are also euphoric after taking the series from the team that was supposed to beat them this season. Handidly. Oh I'm sorry, wrong letter. I meant the A's. And you're telling me that this is just because of Lee being out? Doubtful. Welcome to the curse of Milton Bradley Seattle.
-Lastly, I must comment on the fact that every time I see the Phillies, they have someone in scoring position. This team truly should not lose a game. Well, not until October that is. Or if they play the Yanks or Sox should I say November? LOL Here's to you and your mega fine Joe West. Even if I completely agree with you.
Til tomorrow.
It is also worth mentioning, how exciting is it to see ol' Fred Couples take the early pedestal? I feel like I just fell backwards 20 years. Who's his closet comp? The Shark? Golf, baby. I wish I cared more.
Speaking of beasts, here is my wrap up from a somewhat subdued first week of baseball. (BTW, I think I might just sum up points from the night before when it comes to relaying baseball info. I debated hard about how to do this sport that is played so frequently, and I knew game by game would suck. Let me know what you think. Keep it, or Bleep it?)
-Now to the beast. Sir Albert. Why is he so good? No, that was question. But I'll try and answer as if it were a statement. Not because he led off the season with a two homer game. Not because he is the reason the Cards have started off so well. Simply because of a simple pitch sequence between he and Bronson (Who was named after Charles Bronson. Who Knew?) Arroyo. The Cards had a runner on second. It was a 1-1 ball game, late, and Holliday was up next. What happens? Arroyo manages to just miss the plate with four consecutive pitches, seemingly giving Pujols a free pass and taking his chances on Holliday. Can you get any better respect with out doing so many steroids that you look like Griffey in that old Simpsons baseball episode where Burns hires baseball players to beat his companies, Homer Simpson-led softball team. (Here's looking at you Bonds) This is how. Any erratic batter would have swung out of the zone. It was almost as if Arroyo said "No, Thanks" and Albert politely obliged. Moral of the story, Holliday flew out to end the inning and Gomes hit a 9th inning walk-off to win it for the Redlegs. Respect. The Aretha kind.
-What's with the Twins power display?! I love it, that's what! DYK, we are leading the league in taters so far this season? I have been telling people for years we have a young team and when these kids grow up they are going to terrorize the league. You should have heeded my warning. And to make matters that much better, Thome goes deep! Hardy has already regained the power depleted from him during last year's injury riddled campaign. Thanks Brew Crew for giving up on a guy who averaged 20 homers for three straight years, gets injured and slips, so you ship him off for a person who hasn't, and won't, hit twenty homers in his career. Have I thanked them enough yet? Never! Extra kudos to O-Dog's defense. God he's good and he's already saved four runs for us. In the first four games! Last year Casilla and Punto. This year O-Dog and Hardy. Life is great in Minny.
-So Yanks-Sox take too long. WTF else is new. Get over it. These two teams generate more revenue for the league than every other team combined ( Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it's close). So umps, if you don't like it, call balls, eject, do whatever you have to do to speed it up. If there is nothing else you can do, SHUT THE HELL UP and worry about why your strike zone has been bouncing all over the place!
-Mets. LOL. After Santana. Feces.
-The Nats sure look like they are having fun. Too bad it's not like cool kid Spring Break fun and more like crackhead finally scores and feels momentary euphoria fun. They'll lose 100, again. Good luck next year when Strasburg has a full season to help you.
-Hideki Matsui is a beast. Hands down. The Yanks WILL miss his bat. As much as it pains me to say. God I hate the Yankees.
-Here is the time when I tell you I was completely wrong about a player and you say I told you so. Well, none of us knew, but I'll tell you what. Vlad, injury free, IS A KILLER. Check his stats right now. Has he even gotten out? (Don't worry I did the work for you. He's batting .636. .636!!! I know it's just the first week but, damn.)
-The M's are also euphoric after taking the series from the team that was supposed to beat them this season. Handidly. Oh I'm sorry, wrong letter. I meant the A's. And you're telling me that this is just because of Lee being out? Doubtful. Welcome to the curse of Milton Bradley Seattle.
-Lastly, I must comment on the fact that every time I see the Phillies, they have someone in scoring position. This team truly should not lose a game. Well, not until October that is. Or if they play the Yanks or Sox should I say November? LOL Here's to you and your mega fine Joe West. Even if I completely agree with you.
Til tomorrow.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
How the West was won? By default.
On to the NL
EAST
The Phillies will not only repeat as champs in this division, but could very well go to a third straight World Series. This is a team that lost Pedro Feliz at third and replaced him with an all-star caliber hitting machine in Jason Kidd's son. Oh, not THAT dome piece, but ex-Tiger Polanco. I swear if he wasn't my height and not hitting out Bret Boone circa 2001 homers I would think he was on steroids. Come to think of it, he did just hit a grand slam. Uh-oh. Someone get me the Mitchell Report. Anyways, they lost great late-season pick up Lee to free agency, but replaced him with the best pitcher now in this division (although yes, it pains me extremely to say so). An absolute innings hoarder who throws complete games like Spring Training warm ups. This team is built to win. And I can't see Rollins having another off year. As long as Hamels is a decent number 2 they'll coast. On to the lowly Mets. I say Sanatana is a shade behind Halladay not because of their on field performance statistics, or pedigree. I say this simply because Santana will have to kill himself to get the Mets in contention because the rest of the assholes behind him can't seem to consistently put it together from game to game. Perez, Maine, Pelfrey, and who cares seem like the dumb ass little brothers. No better yet, henchmen, having just watched Boondock Saints 2(Great BTW), to Santana's mob boss. And just like Yakavetta at the end Santana doesn't stand a chance. Wright will not hit just 10 taters again. I call a revert back to the old David. Problem is Reyes won't get it back until mid season. Just in time for Beltran to come back. That all adds up to more of the same and just not enough season. IF these pitchers can muster some kind of support behind Johan the Mets might not finish dead last. In the majors. The Braves are my surprise Wild Card because I think they'll sneak in. They will steal series', while splitting others, and hang around just long enough that a major injury to the Cubs, Brewers, and Giants will cause the Bravos, yes Bravos, to sneak in. Their pitching, although young in comparison to most staffs, is solid and skilled. And have I talked about Heyward? Jesus what can't I say about this kid. Canon for an arm. Griffey-esque swing and mechanics. Blazing speed. He's like a left handed Hawk. See what the baseball Gods give us when we do right by someone when it comes the Hall? What would happen if we get Blylevan finally in? Or look away and recognize Bonds for his overall talent? Or imagine if Rose were let in? Ooh we might get Pujols/Mauer/Hanley. Yikes. Oh we did. His name is Jason Heyward. The Marlins are just not hungry enough. Hanley is just playing hard because that's his nature, but they will not contend this year.
CENTRAL
The Cards are the NL Twins, as explained in an earlier blog, so they will win this division. I say that of course as long as their arms hold up. Carpenter has had a good run, and knock on wood Marbles, he'll hurl another 200 this year. Wainwright is the most underrated number 2/1 pitcher in the league. Lohse is an ex-Twin so he's in the bag and if they can get anything from the newly acquired Penny, they'll be set to contend if need be in August. The Brewers are the team that I just can't figure out. They're pitching tells me they shouldn't matter, but they're hitting tells me otherwise. The crazy part is, pitching is what they built up this off season. Randy Wolf is apparently good, but I wouldn't want him representing the top of our staff. And this is coming from someone who's teams "ace" most of baseball hasn't even heard of. Fielder is playing for a bigtime deal so expect huge numbers from him. Braun is the next super duper star, based solely on the number of commercials I have already seen him in this morning, and they play great D. If their pitching holds up they'll contend. If not, so long Prince, with Braun soon to follow. Oh and a thousand thank you's to your organization for taking the plague known as Gomez off of our hands. And for an All-Star quality defensive SS in Hardy!? We have know officially wiped the residue left from that horrendous Santana trade completely off of us. No wonder we had to get a new stadium. As far as the Cubis and Reds go. I don't trust the Cubs hitting. All of their stars are another year older and I don't see Soriano turning it around. Simply, they are a Zambrano arm injury away from not contending. The Reds are the up and comer in the NL to me. Solid young core of pitching, with the veteran Harang providing tutelage to the kids. He is a pitcher who just so happens to hold advice on the most critical aspect of pitching, innings eating. Although, with Dusty at the helm they won't have that worry. Just ask Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. Isn't one of their starters out already this year because of Tommy John surgery? It starts now. Get Dusty out before he tears Chapman's arm completely off!
WEST
I care about this division the absolute least because one team doesn't even matter, and the other wouldn't if it were not for dominant pitching. That team, Los Gigantes, has Mr. Everything in Lincecum, a resurgent former Cy Young win (in my opinion), and three other solid pitchers. I like Cains makeup and Sanchez is a productive lefty. If Derosa can generate any run support with Kung Fu Panda then they could threaten to win this division. An injury to the pitching staff and see the Mets breakdown. This division is really all about the Rockies and Dodgers. Torre's bunch will score runs behind Manny, Ethier, Loney, Kemp and their own great young crew. The significant problem they have is with their pitching. Vicente Padilla was your opening day starter? Huh? Where's Kershaw? If I hear another he's-just-not-quite-there-yet talk about this kid I'm going to start believe that it will never come. My main question about this team is which Manny will they get? The usual consistent hitting machine that provides stellar protection in the line-up? Or the declining, could care less, pre-retiree that I have seen recently. If it's the latter, they have some things to worry about. And not just because they are paying him 20 million. I trust Manny won't go out like that, but even if so, it won't be enough. Pitching will let this team down. So that leaves us with the default champ the Colorado Rockies. Not great, not even good in my eyes. But they have depth, solid kids to parallel grizzly vets, and the pitching that will hold up in a weak division. As usual, Rockies win late.
WORLD SERIES
Phillies over Twins
Their pitching will beat our pitching. Simple as that.
Can't wait for Tiger's first strike off the green. Welcome back you ol' Gigalo!
EAST
The Phillies will not only repeat as champs in this division, but could very well go to a third straight World Series. This is a team that lost Pedro Feliz at third and replaced him with an all-star caliber hitting machine in Jason Kidd's son. Oh, not THAT dome piece, but ex-Tiger Polanco. I swear if he wasn't my height and not hitting out Bret Boone circa 2001 homers I would think he was on steroids. Come to think of it, he did just hit a grand slam. Uh-oh. Someone get me the Mitchell Report. Anyways, they lost great late-season pick up Lee to free agency, but replaced him with the best pitcher now in this division (although yes, it pains me extremely to say so). An absolute innings hoarder who throws complete games like Spring Training warm ups. This team is built to win. And I can't see Rollins having another off year. As long as Hamels is a decent number 2 they'll coast. On to the lowly Mets. I say Sanatana is a shade behind Halladay not because of their on field performance statistics, or pedigree. I say this simply because Santana will have to kill himself to get the Mets in contention because the rest of the assholes behind him can't seem to consistently put it together from game to game. Perez, Maine, Pelfrey, and who cares seem like the dumb ass little brothers. No better yet, henchmen, having just watched Boondock Saints 2(Great BTW), to Santana's mob boss. And just like Yakavetta at the end Santana doesn't stand a chance. Wright will not hit just 10 taters again. I call a revert back to the old David. Problem is Reyes won't get it back until mid season. Just in time for Beltran to come back. That all adds up to more of the same and just not enough season. IF these pitchers can muster some kind of support behind Johan the Mets might not finish dead last. In the majors. The Braves are my surprise Wild Card because I think they'll sneak in. They will steal series', while splitting others, and hang around just long enough that a major injury to the Cubs, Brewers, and Giants will cause the Bravos, yes Bravos, to sneak in. Their pitching, although young in comparison to most staffs, is solid and skilled. And have I talked about Heyward? Jesus what can't I say about this kid. Canon for an arm. Griffey-esque swing and mechanics. Blazing speed. He's like a left handed Hawk. See what the baseball Gods give us when we do right by someone when it comes the Hall? What would happen if we get Blylevan finally in? Or look away and recognize Bonds for his overall talent? Or imagine if Rose were let in? Ooh we might get Pujols/Mauer/Hanley. Yikes. Oh we did. His name is Jason Heyward. The Marlins are just not hungry enough. Hanley is just playing hard because that's his nature, but they will not contend this year.
CENTRAL
The Cards are the NL Twins, as explained in an earlier blog, so they will win this division. I say that of course as long as their arms hold up. Carpenter has had a good run, and knock on wood Marbles, he'll hurl another 200 this year. Wainwright is the most underrated number 2/1 pitcher in the league. Lohse is an ex-Twin so he's in the bag and if they can get anything from the newly acquired Penny, they'll be set to contend if need be in August. The Brewers are the team that I just can't figure out. They're pitching tells me they shouldn't matter, but they're hitting tells me otherwise. The crazy part is, pitching is what they built up this off season. Randy Wolf is apparently good, but I wouldn't want him representing the top of our staff. And this is coming from someone who's teams "ace" most of baseball hasn't even heard of. Fielder is playing for a bigtime deal so expect huge numbers from him. Braun is the next super duper star, based solely on the number of commercials I have already seen him in this morning, and they play great D. If their pitching holds up they'll contend. If not, so long Prince, with Braun soon to follow. Oh and a thousand thank you's to your organization for taking the plague known as Gomez off of our hands. And for an All-Star quality defensive SS in Hardy!? We have know officially wiped the residue left from that horrendous Santana trade completely off of us. No wonder we had to get a new stadium. As far as the Cubis and Reds go. I don't trust the Cubs hitting. All of their stars are another year older and I don't see Soriano turning it around. Simply, they are a Zambrano arm injury away from not contending. The Reds are the up and comer in the NL to me. Solid young core of pitching, with the veteran Harang providing tutelage to the kids. He is a pitcher who just so happens to hold advice on the most critical aspect of pitching, innings eating. Although, with Dusty at the helm they won't have that worry. Just ask Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. Isn't one of their starters out already this year because of Tommy John surgery? It starts now. Get Dusty out before he tears Chapman's arm completely off!
WEST
I care about this division the absolute least because one team doesn't even matter, and the other wouldn't if it were not for dominant pitching. That team, Los Gigantes, has Mr. Everything in Lincecum, a resurgent former Cy Young win (in my opinion), and three other solid pitchers. I like Cains makeup and Sanchez is a productive lefty. If Derosa can generate any run support with Kung Fu Panda then they could threaten to win this division. An injury to the pitching staff and see the Mets breakdown. This division is really all about the Rockies and Dodgers. Torre's bunch will score runs behind Manny, Ethier, Loney, Kemp and their own great young crew. The significant problem they have is with their pitching. Vicente Padilla was your opening day starter? Huh? Where's Kershaw? If I hear another he's-just-not-quite-there-yet talk about this kid I'm going to start believe that it will never come. My main question about this team is which Manny will they get? The usual consistent hitting machine that provides stellar protection in the line-up? Or the declining, could care less, pre-retiree that I have seen recently. If it's the latter, they have some things to worry about. And not just because they are paying him 20 million. I trust Manny won't go out like that, but even if so, it won't be enough. Pitching will let this team down. So that leaves us with the default champ the Colorado Rockies. Not great, not even good in my eyes. But they have depth, solid kids to parallel grizzly vets, and the pitching that will hold up in a weak division. As usual, Rockies win late.
WORLD SERIES
Phillies over Twins
Their pitching will beat our pitching. Simple as that.
Can't wait for Tiger's first strike off the green. Welcome back you ol' Gigalo!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Bats, Balls, Beer, and..........Twwiiinns.
So before we get to the true purpose of today's edition I must speak on McNabb. Now, I understand that the Skins are making all these moves in order to get back into contention, but where does McNabb fit in? He's going to give you two, maybe three, years of okay performance and solid leadership. Is he simply a mentor to whomever they draft in a couple weeks? Or his he someone that you are looking to take you to the Super Bowl? I believe he is the former. He believes he is the latter. This question better get answered quickly or Snyder and Shanahan are looking at another long season. And don't get me started on Willie Parker's unneeded signing. Or the fact that McNabb snubbed my Bills. Middle Finger you McNabb. As I stated previously, enjoy your enventual decline a'la Culpepper. And I just heard that the Skins didn't even have the common courtesy to tell Campbell beforehand. Damn, enjoy that nonsense Donovan. Hey Jason, Buffalo has an opening. But know that we are drafting Tebow. Campbell/Tebow 2010? Damn that. Get me Vick. Now.
And on to the good stuff.....
We'll start with the AL today. I thought about writing both and then realized baseball is my bread and butter. I have an opinion about everything in this sport. So with that being said,
AL EAST
The Yankees will win this division because not only do they have the best 1-2 (Sorry Boston, I hate Burnett too, but I simply don't trust Lackey. Yet.), but they have that damn mystique that I saw cripple team after team last season. (I got to witness Melky Cabrera's 9th inning walk-off off of Nathan, in the right field bleachers, with my boy Jay, a die-hard Yank, and at Yankee stadium. Suffice it to say we lost two more in a row that series in come-from-behind fashion. If it wasn't my first trip to the new stadium I might have killed myself.) Granderson is an upgrade over Melky. Javy Vazquez is an upgrade over Wang. Nick Johnson is an upgrade over Godzilla, simply because the man gets on base like 80% of the time. The Yankees got better, where their best comp were, at best, even. The Sox have solid pitching and resigning Beckett will go along way with maintaining the pitching staff's confidence. They lost Bay, and replaced him with strikeout king Mike Cameron. That improves their D, but their D was not the issue. In that little league LF, is their really much disparity needed between fielders. I mean Manny played there. Shit, Bay played there and he's like Lady Dunn when it comes to shagging fly balls. All this and Cam still ain't giving you what Bay did. And Papi is another year removed from 'roids. And they traded 'Tek's world knowledge for Martinez's bat. That might have been the toughest mistake/move to overcome. We'll find out as soon as we see Beckett and the crew's ERA skyrocket levels over last years numbers. The Rays will contend and steal wins, but their pitching is also shaky to me. Kazmir gave them nothing before leaving last season, and most importantly, they didn't replace him. Price doesn't look like he has found "it" yet. They supposedly have a stud frosh. Big Game James, I don't think so. They will hit though. If pitching holds up they will battle, but I don't think they can overcome that "if". I love Wieters, but the O's are eons away. But they do have a solid young core with the pitching they've matured, as well as Wieters and Adam "Not Pacman" Jones. The Jays. Hmmm. They will piss you off enough by sweeping a crucial July series, but will not matter in September so who cares. Good job resigning Lind though.
AL CENTRAL
Come on do I need to say it. Twins in 2010!!!!! Mauer repeats as MVP. Liriano, first Cy Young. J/K, but seriously we have a solid ass team this year. Let me go through it for you. Ok, so Nathan is out. Boo f-ing Hoo. We'll be okay simply because....Mauer is healthy. Morneau is healthy. Kubel is coming off of a career year (.300-28-103), and is healthy. Span has a full season under his belt. Healthy. Delmon Young tore the cover off the ball this spring. Cuddyer is healthy. We replaced the weakest part of our defense, middle-infield, (Casilla, OC/Punto/Harris) with two all-star caliber players (Hardy, O-Dog), one being a 4-time gold Glover (O-Dog). We essentially replaced Gomez's obscurity with....wait for it. Jim "F-ing" Thome!(I made the nickname up) And oh the pitching. Baker is solid as our one. Blackburn gives us 200 innings, and .500 baseball. And he's motivated by a new contract. Liriano had an ERA near 1 in winter ball and Spring Training. What does that mean? Uh oh. He's fully healed from that two year old Tommy John surgery. Not good for hitters. Pavano will be just as he was after the trade deadline for us last year. An innings hog, who proved that he can't pitch under the big city lights. Welcome to Minny! And a fifth who was 10-2 with an ERA at 3.00 before he got injured last year in Slowey. So add that up and you have a division Champ. Also because, Detroit got worse. They only have Verlander to count on every fifth day. Mags is done. Grandy is a Yankee. The Beast known as Cabrera stopped drinking and lost weight, but unfortunately also lost his protection in the line-up. Who else is gonna provide pop for them. DAY-MUN. Yeah right. Oh yeah and Procello will come alive this year, but you can only win a divisional series with two starters. Not a full season. Come playoff time, they won't be an option. The Indians, sorry P, but are very bad. They managed to make Grady Sizemore the least significant player in baseball with that last name. Not a good sign when he's your best player. The Royals I like their moves, but again don't have enough help for Grienke, who is waiting for the day that he can opt out and join the Dynasty. Just to piss us all off. But thanks for continuing Ankiel's career for me. A story of overcoming adversity that I always enjoy to hear. Lastly, we get the only team that can challenge us, Ozzie's Sox. No, not the ones on his personal twitter photos. I'm speaking of the other ones he leaves hanging out to dry. You know, the players? I have never seen a person do less and expect as much as Ozzie Guillen. Oh yeah I have, the Kardashians. Did I just compare Ozzie Guillen to Kim Kardashian? Yes, yes I did. So quick to complain, yet rarely provides a logical solution. Oh, you think I am downing the man? Oh God no. Please Wizard of Odd, continue to be the game time distraction that my Twins can feed off of. Peavy isn't enough. I will continue to hate Buerhle out of respect, and I believe they'll miss the protection that Dye's bat gave Hittin' Carlos Quentin. He'll slide, along with the rest of the O. This will of course cause the pitching to flounder trying to overcome the lack of runs. A mid season Peavy injury will cancel their postseason hopes.
AL WEST
The A's suck. Now that we have that out the way. No wait, back to them. Can you believe they sent down Cust, they're only offense last year, and made Chavez their DH? What?! Beane must know something not even his wife knows. Is he even married? Quick, we need that Moneyball movie with Pitt developed. Now. As far as the teams that do matter, this division is the toughest to call. I still don't think, even with Nolan Ryan at the helm, that the Rangers have the pitching moxie (a word I love) to contend all season. I do like Vlad and Nelson Cruz hitting back to back though. Offense will carry them through most games. Not enough though. That leaves us with the "Constants" and the "Breath of Fresh Air". The Angels lost Lackey (an innings hog) and replaced him with Kazmir (the exact opposite of an innings hog). And they lost Ervin Santana. And I'm not completely sold on lil' Weaver. Nor am I from a year older Matsui and Abreu. But, they do have Torii and as long as he's still being the greatest CF in baseball then they have a chance. If he goes down, uh oh. The M's are Americas sexy pick this year. Solid off season acquisitions (Lee, Figgins, crazy Milton Bradley) to accompany a hungry remaining core (Junior Griffey, Ichiro, and King Felix). This all adds up to a team primed to succeed. Problem is Lee's already hurt, Figgins got paid too much, and everyone else is a year older. I know Ichiro and Felix are gonna provide their usual, but will Gutierrez stay hot? Will Lee come back healthy? Will they all mesh? I think so, and their manager has proven to get the best out of his players. I say that this will be their year. Congrats J Bake, your boys will finally breakthrough.
Tomorrow, NL. OH boy, I can't wait for the METS.
And on to the good stuff.....
We'll start with the AL today. I thought about writing both and then realized baseball is my bread and butter. I have an opinion about everything in this sport. So with that being said,
AL EAST
The Yankees will win this division because not only do they have the best 1-2 (Sorry Boston, I hate Burnett too, but I simply don't trust Lackey. Yet.), but they have that damn mystique that I saw cripple team after team last season. (I got to witness Melky Cabrera's 9th inning walk-off off of Nathan, in the right field bleachers, with my boy Jay, a die-hard Yank, and at Yankee stadium. Suffice it to say we lost two more in a row that series in come-from-behind fashion. If it wasn't my first trip to the new stadium I might have killed myself.) Granderson is an upgrade over Melky. Javy Vazquez is an upgrade over Wang. Nick Johnson is an upgrade over Godzilla, simply because the man gets on base like 80% of the time. The Yankees got better, where their best comp were, at best, even. The Sox have solid pitching and resigning Beckett will go along way with maintaining the pitching staff's confidence. They lost Bay, and replaced him with strikeout king Mike Cameron. That improves their D, but their D was not the issue. In that little league LF, is their really much disparity needed between fielders. I mean Manny played there. Shit, Bay played there and he's like Lady Dunn when it comes to shagging fly balls. All this and Cam still ain't giving you what Bay did. And Papi is another year removed from 'roids. And they traded 'Tek's world knowledge for Martinez's bat. That might have been the toughest mistake/move to overcome. We'll find out as soon as we see Beckett and the crew's ERA skyrocket levels over last years numbers. The Rays will contend and steal wins, but their pitching is also shaky to me. Kazmir gave them nothing before leaving last season, and most importantly, they didn't replace him. Price doesn't look like he has found "it" yet. They supposedly have a stud frosh. Big Game James, I don't think so. They will hit though. If pitching holds up they will battle, but I don't think they can overcome that "if". I love Wieters, but the O's are eons away. But they do have a solid young core with the pitching they've matured, as well as Wieters and Adam "Not Pacman" Jones. The Jays. Hmmm. They will piss you off enough by sweeping a crucial July series, but will not matter in September so who cares. Good job resigning Lind though.
AL CENTRAL
Come on do I need to say it. Twins in 2010!!!!! Mauer repeats as MVP. Liriano, first Cy Young. J/K, but seriously we have a solid ass team this year. Let me go through it for you. Ok, so Nathan is out. Boo f-ing Hoo. We'll be okay simply because....Mauer is healthy. Morneau is healthy. Kubel is coming off of a career year (.300-28-103), and is healthy. Span has a full season under his belt. Healthy. Delmon Young tore the cover off the ball this spring. Cuddyer is healthy. We replaced the weakest part of our defense, middle-infield, (Casilla, OC/Punto/Harris) with two all-star caliber players (Hardy, O-Dog), one being a 4-time gold Glover (O-Dog). We essentially replaced Gomez's obscurity with....wait for it. Jim "F-ing" Thome!(I made the nickname up) And oh the pitching. Baker is solid as our one. Blackburn gives us 200 innings, and .500 baseball. And he's motivated by a new contract. Liriano had an ERA near 1 in winter ball and Spring Training. What does that mean? Uh oh. He's fully healed from that two year old Tommy John surgery. Not good for hitters. Pavano will be just as he was after the trade deadline for us last year. An innings hog, who proved that he can't pitch under the big city lights. Welcome to Minny! And a fifth who was 10-2 with an ERA at 3.00 before he got injured last year in Slowey. So add that up and you have a division Champ. Also because, Detroit got worse. They only have Verlander to count on every fifth day. Mags is done. Grandy is a Yankee. The Beast known as Cabrera stopped drinking and lost weight, but unfortunately also lost his protection in the line-up. Who else is gonna provide pop for them. DAY-MUN. Yeah right. Oh yeah and Procello will come alive this year, but you can only win a divisional series with two starters. Not a full season. Come playoff time, they won't be an option. The Indians, sorry P, but are very bad. They managed to make Grady Sizemore the least significant player in baseball with that last name. Not a good sign when he's your best player. The Royals I like their moves, but again don't have enough help for Grienke, who is waiting for the day that he can opt out and join the Dynasty. Just to piss us all off. But thanks for continuing Ankiel's career for me. A story of overcoming adversity that I always enjoy to hear. Lastly, we get the only team that can challenge us, Ozzie's Sox. No, not the ones on his personal twitter photos. I'm speaking of the other ones he leaves hanging out to dry. You know, the players? I have never seen a person do less and expect as much as Ozzie Guillen. Oh yeah I have, the Kardashians. Did I just compare Ozzie Guillen to Kim Kardashian? Yes, yes I did. So quick to complain, yet rarely provides a logical solution. Oh, you think I am downing the man? Oh God no. Please Wizard of Odd, continue to be the game time distraction that my Twins can feed off of. Peavy isn't enough. I will continue to hate Buerhle out of respect, and I believe they'll miss the protection that Dye's bat gave Hittin' Carlos Quentin. He'll slide, along with the rest of the O. This will of course cause the pitching to flounder trying to overcome the lack of runs. A mid season Peavy injury will cancel their postseason hopes.
AL WEST
The A's suck. Now that we have that out the way. No wait, back to them. Can you believe they sent down Cust, they're only offense last year, and made Chavez their DH? What?! Beane must know something not even his wife knows. Is he even married? Quick, we need that Moneyball movie with Pitt developed. Now. As far as the teams that do matter, this division is the toughest to call. I still don't think, even with Nolan Ryan at the helm, that the Rangers have the pitching moxie (a word I love) to contend all season. I do like Vlad and Nelson Cruz hitting back to back though. Offense will carry them through most games. Not enough though. That leaves us with the "Constants" and the "Breath of Fresh Air". The Angels lost Lackey (an innings hog) and replaced him with Kazmir (the exact opposite of an innings hog). And they lost Ervin Santana. And I'm not completely sold on lil' Weaver. Nor am I from a year older Matsui and Abreu. But, they do have Torii and as long as he's still being the greatest CF in baseball then they have a chance. If he goes down, uh oh. The M's are Americas sexy pick this year. Solid off season acquisitions (Lee, Figgins, crazy Milton Bradley) to accompany a hungry remaining core (Junior Griffey, Ichiro, and King Felix). This all adds up to a team primed to succeed. Problem is Lee's already hurt, Figgins got paid too much, and everyone else is a year older. I know Ichiro and Felix are gonna provide their usual, but will Gutierrez stay hot? Will Lee come back healthy? Will they all mesh? I think so, and their manager has proven to get the best out of his players. I say that this will be their year. Congrats J Bake, your boys will finally breakthrough.
Tomorrow, NL. OH boy, I can't wait for the METS.
Friday, April 2, 2010
I don't think this one's got the distance
So instead of breaking down this ridiculous side of the bracket I'll just say this. One would think that Michigan State is simply too clutch and too experienced to lose to Butler. Oh, are they really? This kid Hayward (or is it Heyward, like Iron Head?) is a beast and without a counter (Lucas), Michigan St. could find themselves playing catch up early on. Ever since Mason shocked the world I have hoped to see an absolute underdog win the Championship. With garbage Duke as the front-runner, is this the year it happens? No, because Duke's losing to WVU, and Butler the college will not be able to handle WVU's Butler the player. (My new favorite player in the tourney). But, I can't wait to see the countless Valvano commercials and clips should Butler prevail over Michigan St. What's worse, what if they win it all!? There Jimmy V. goes, sprinting across the floor. Go Wildcats...err Bulldogs.
Final Four- Butler
Champion: The Mountaineers babay! Hey, they beat UK. That's a champ to me.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the true purpose of this edition: OPENING DAY IS SUNDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
My Twins christen their new home with a two game set against my personal baseball nemesis, Marbles' Cards. Target Field get ready to be de-virginized. Oh, there will be blood, just not of the prepubescent girl or Oscar winning variety.
OMG, Predictions.
AL East
Champ- Yankees
Chump- Jays
Surprise- O's (Two words: Matt Wieters)
AL Central
Champ- Twins
Chump- Indians
Surprise- Royals (No longer garbage)
AL West
Champ- Mariners
Chump- A's
Surprise- Rangers (Vlad, Nolan Ryan as boss, will compete)
AL Wildcard
Rays
NL East
Champ- Phillies
Chump- Mets
Surprise- Braves (one word: Heyward! See this kids make up and you won't be missing Chipper after this year)
NL Central
Champ- Cards
Chump- Astros
Surprise- Brewers (will lose the Wildcard late)
NL West
Champ- Rockies
Chump- Giants
Surprise- Dodgers (for not winning the division)
NL Wildcard
Braves
I would really love to breakdown the reason behind each choice, and I will, next week. Soak in the picks and please hit me with your rebuttals. I dare you. Baseball baby! Put me in coach, I'm ready to play dammit!
Final Four- Butler
Champion: The Mountaineers babay! Hey, they beat UK. That's a champ to me.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get to the true purpose of this edition: OPENING DAY IS SUNDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
My Twins christen their new home with a two game set against my personal baseball nemesis, Marbles' Cards. Target Field get ready to be de-virginized. Oh, there will be blood, just not of the prepubescent girl or Oscar winning variety.
OMG, Predictions.
AL East
Champ- Yankees
Chump- Jays
Surprise- O's (Two words: Matt Wieters)
AL Central
Champ- Twins
Chump- Indians
Surprise- Royals (No longer garbage)
AL West
Champ- Mariners
Chump- A's
Surprise- Rangers (Vlad, Nolan Ryan as boss, will compete)
AL Wildcard
Rays
NL East
Champ- Phillies
Chump- Mets
Surprise- Braves (one word: Heyward! See this kids make up and you won't be missing Chipper after this year)
NL Central
Champ- Cards
Chump- Astros
Surprise- Brewers (will lose the Wildcard late)
NL West
Champ- Rockies
Chump- Giants
Surprise- Dodgers (for not winning the division)
NL Wildcard
Braves
I would really love to breakdown the reason behind each choice, and I will, next week. Soak in the picks and please hit me with your rebuttals. I dare you. Baseball baby! Put me in coach, I'm ready to play dammit!
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