When I am thinking of reasons to engage in another ferocious back and forth with myself, I always needs that little umph. You know, that "Aww hell naw! I can'ts buleeve he said DAT shit." So when this does occur, naturally I have to speak on it. Such an event happened after watching SportsCenter a few night's ago. A reporter was interviewing KD after the Heat once again proved that no matter how much people want to believe the Thunder are turning a corner, until the true Championship teams (C's, Heat, Lake Show, Magic) lose even a single veteran, the Thunder will never be a title contender. Anyways, the reporter asked about his shouting match with Chris Bosh that drew T's for both parties. After an explanation I could not care less about, Durant then proceeded to call Bosh a "fake tough guy". LOL Nice! The shear thought of playground talk trying to be broken down for the masses to understand was completely absurd, yet hilarious. How do I know when sports news topics are slow? When calling someone a homothug gets more press than Tiger's umptenth straight meltdown. And watch that finger pointing, cause I'm no bigot. Omar Little taught me that you can be as gay as the spring breeze, but still be one of the hardest men alive.
Speaking of Woods, to his new game I say: New swing coach, same limp approach. Haha, Shazaam! (Sorry for that Shaq reference)
Back to roundball, since no one else wants to admit it, I will be the first. Can we just contract the fucking Raptors out of Canada so some free agent will actually want to go there and they can stop sucking more penis than Montana Fishburne and Kim Kardashian combined? I mean they are always garbage. They were an 8th seed for like five years, solely because of the aforementioned Captain Softee. It's not the same story for say, the Clippers, because although they too always suck (pre-Blake anyways), they're in L.A.! The Raptors are in Toronto. That's in Canada! Who cares about Canadians? Oil companies, that's who. Since we decided to not prevent another oil break from happening, and with our supply being basically dunzo. Combined with the hatred the Middle East oil conglomirates have for us, I am guessing our next oil outlet will most likely be...wait for it...CANADA! With all her flappy head and maple leaf goodness. So is that the reason we still have to pretend that a team with red and purple colors and a prehistoric mascot was ever going to be popular? Considering by the time our oil supply runs dry the whole country will be driving electric cars anyways, I say take Canny out back and give her the ol' Mike Vick treatment. Don't worry Canucks, just have a comeback that restores Americas faith in you and no one will remember this abomination. Just give it about a decade before you go saying you might want to own another "team" at some point. Get a cat Mike, get a cat.
On a side note, ef a LBJ apology, I hope the Cavs are enjoying their new relationship with karma. This team is like that ex who swears she is better off without you, after she made the majority of the relationship mistakes, even bad mouthing you with nonsense like "that's why you have a small penis" or "you're probably gay anyways". Only to end up with a random new boyfriend who hits her or treats her like complete shit, and although she rues the day she ever broke it off with you, pride will not allow her to admit that this new guy sucks and you were her saving grace. Just like this harlot, you screwed your chance with LeBron Cavs, deal with it, move on, and enjoy your new life which will never be as good as it once was. Sucks to be you right now, huh?
So Diana Turasi is doing her best Raffy impression by concluding the Turkish tests "mistakes" and she really wasn't using PED's. Yep, because this argument has EVER worked. Come back home, play some 2K11, and wait until your next season that no one watches to commence. BTW, if arguably the biggest star of your league has to play overseas just to recoup pay because her original league cannot afford to pay her enough, that is most certainly an alarming sign. How long are we giving the WNBA? 5 years? 10, max.
My last basketball news of note comes from yesterday's announcement that the Lakers need to make changes in order to revive their play. Changes you say?(develish grin ensues) First, let's start by granting your scapegoat (Artest) his wish and send him to another team. Then when Odom sucks for ten consecutive games, he'll finally only have himself, and Ms. Piggy, to blame. But the Lakers played like CBS and got "Sheened" by giving a complete maniac a ridiculous contract, so now, no matter how much they'd like to separate themselves from this person, money in the end, rules over everything else. And just like no other network would ever touch Mr. "I only smoke cocaine, I never snort" again, the Lakers know that no team will even think about adding this leech to their rotations. Not after his past indiscretions, and most certainly not now, seeing that Artest is so slow he's having trouble guarding even himself nowadys. But alas. I have your answer Lakers. And it will solve all of your problems. Hear me out. I think it's time to reveal the most obvious of truths. Do I really have to say it. Ok, here goes. PLEASE TRADE HIM BECAUSE ANDREW BYNUM IS THE SADDEST SACK OF SHIT THIS SIDE OF A DOWNTRODDEN BAG FILLED WITH FECES!!!!!!!!! Seriously, why aren't these guys trading him before the rest of the league figures this out?! Why does he keep getting a mulligan? Because he hasn't been healthy? So? Neither has Greg Odom and he can't catch a break. Bynum gets abused by ever serious Center he faces. Check the C's game. Abused by everyone from KG, Glen Davis, and even that white lanky backup. I swear I saw the Chief come out just to get a tip-in over this sorry excuse for a big man. If you're a soft big man, admit it. But don't constantly get abused and then have a 20-10 game against Erick Dampier and think you are the bees knees. I don't think even Jordan would have played with this guy on one of those mid-90's Bulls teams. Do the Lakers really need him? Does he truly even make a difference in games? The answer to it all is an emphatic HELL! NO! Trade him now, get something in exchange, and try and win some Championships while you still have 80% of Kobe. Or else. Oh yeah, Bynum has no value right now. Why? Because once again, he's hurt. God he sucks.
I'll end this post with one more brief. Carson Palmer's bum ass just demanded a trade. So let me get this straight. You have managed to be the Chris Webber of the NFL whereas you've been a good player through the year's, but by no means have you excelled to the level most thought you would. And you have the audacity to demand a trade! On what grounds? You're no cakewalk yourself buddy. Those who show excellence make those around them better, or demand that help be brought in, and then excel with their new, more talented unit like Mamba. They don't completely lose control of their team, never be the leader the team needs them to be, and constantly deflect blame for their team's woes. Not very Brady-esqe is it? You give Sam Bradford or Sanchez Ocho and T.O. and they are most certainly making the playoffs. All Carson could do was watch his team constantly get outperformed. Instead of rallying his weaker defensive unit around the stellar play of his offensive one, he played terrible when running the team, causing the D to lose interest throughout the season. Why stop the other team if yours can't score? A season that began with amazing promise ended like Inception. Ridiculously confusing. And how did the Bengals handle this PR nightmare with their underachieving, never gonna take you to the promise land, ungritty QB. Yep, they fire the offensive coordinator that was there before this QB even got there and extend the coach that noone thinks should still be there. That's the ticket. Hey, Bengals, I'll see you in next year's draft. Comfortably in the top 5.
Temprano!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I'll take your Woodhead and raise you a Prince Albert.
How bad is the stank that surrounds Brett Favre right now? It's so rank that even his terribly unattractive sister had the wicked hand of bad luck touch down on her. No, not for being handed the Khloe Kardashian looks card when compared to her sibling. And I'm not gay I'm just saying, no for real, both women are beat. Have you seen Big KK's red mop? LOL Apparently even YOU can look just like her. (I guarantee you I will have nightmares tonight of being chased by an army of masked Khloe Kardashian's! As long as I keep running right?) Have fun with THAT Lamar. Sorry I digress. Sister Favre managed to one up her penis flashing bro, by getting busted, along with a gang of cohorts, for their involvement in a Mississippi Meth ring! No, not a Hattiesburg 4 Method Man impersonator circle, but rather a close to 10 gram methamphetamine lab bust. And her bond was only set at $40 Grand! Don't they know that's what Brett took home just for showing up at the stadium?! And Mike thought Latoya was off the chain.
And with that opening, I must say it's good to be back. I haven't had the ability to unload my rants on the sports world lately due to my inability to not multi-task constantly. Planning my wedding, 2 new scripts being written, and The Wire DVD's have complicated my time management issues. But fret not, SportsAreDunn has been retooled and will now be broadcasted weekly. Which day? Who knows. How many times? (Shoulder shrug) I'm not paid for this.
And away we go!
Before I get into particulars I want to first start off with my winners and losers of this past NFL regular season.
Winners: The Pats (sans Moss), The Pats (with Woodhead), Falcons (sans Vick scandal), Vick (sans Vick scandal), and Haynesworth (well in '11, sans DeadSkins)
Losers: Cowboys(as if this isn't a given), Bengals(Nice one T-Ocho), Coaches(When you can have a slight hiccup(Childress) and get fired, or have years of hiccups (Lewis) and get extended, who knows what you need to do for job security), Titans (for thinking Vince Young's crazy ass was EVER the answer), and lastly, Fans(for another ho hum regular season with an inevitable Patriots SB win on the horizon.)
Two things I have to say before I get into another rant. First, can someone please notice how Kevin Love is morphing into the new Barkley. He's Rodman with the ability to score! He's a more athletic McHale! He's quite frankly, a beast! Secondly, D Rose puts the Damn in "Damn, he's sweet as hell"! The correct way to say that is with a stank look on your face as it comes out. Like he's so nasty, there is actual feces coming out of your screen.
On that note, someone please tell the rest of the NBA that the Heat are winning the Championship. Who's gonna stop em? The Celtics? They can't stay healthy. The Magic? Yeah right. I don't care how much Dream worked with ol' Shoulders D Howard. He ain't (H)Akeem.
Oh, I know who. The Lakers, right? Sorry to burst your crapped filled bubble, but the writing is on the wall with these guys. They lack depth, and Kobe is slowly teetering in that inevitable "I can still carry my team, but not really cause I ain't as young as I use to be" zone that Jeter fell into last year with the Yankees. How can they truly win if it takes Captain Ego 25 shots to get 25 points? And if you read any of my NBA posts last year, you'd know not to bring that weak Gasol or Bynum shit to me. It'll get sent away like a homeless guy, with new found fame, and said fame inevitibly causes him to resort back to the very vices that culminated in his original homeless state. Well, I guess I wouldn't send you to rehab, but I'd give your statement a stern talking to.
In a quick MLB blip, I ask, how in the hell does Bagwell not make it into the Hall?! To use a quote from a great baseball man I know named Michael Soteropoulos aka Marbles, Bagwell "may be the best all around first baseman from 1990-2005." He hit for average and power, had solid glove work, played his whole career for the same squad (which is an underrated stat BTW), and he could run! His being left off the ballot makes me question if any first basemen from my childhood will get in. Big Mac, Raffy, Bagwell, Crime Dog, Mark Grace, Olerud, and Big Cat are all no-go's apparently. So that leaves who? Big Hurt. Is he the only one who stands a chance from the "Steroids Era"? Terrible. I mean I'd even consider Hurt a DH more than a 1B. Welp, it was fun to watch, I'll tell you that.
I want to end this comeback edition by bringing to light a new low for collegiate sports. So let me get this straight, Pryor and the other four Buckeyes, per Coach Tressel, had to commit to returning to school next year and serve out their suspensions in full , if they wanted to play in the Sugar Bowl. A bowl game whose outcome was heavily impacted by all five of these players. Coincidence? I think not. In an oh-so familiar story, instead of reading the writing on the wall and seeing that these players, through their own admittance no less, broke the rules out of necessity for their families, and that an out to the NFL would have probably solved their problems, the NCAA turned it all around? And just how did they handle this situation? By being as greedy as always. Why else? So the players could return, and in turn, bring more revenue back to 'ol Ohio State, and college football as a whole. Would the Buckeyes make a bowl game without them? Maybe, but a bowl is a guarantee with them. Even if they do only play half the season. Looking out in their best interests are we? If by their, you mean the university, and not the students. Let these damn kids go pro and allow them to provide for their families through their God given talents. Tressel said he was making them deal with their punishment so they couldn't go pro and curb their sanctions. Oh, you mean like the billions of athletes before them! Seems to me like the "man" got what they wanted and the students got screwed. So in the end who was right? I'm not sure, but I have one simple solution that would fix it all.
Til next time.
.jpg){kind=link}
And with that opening, I must say it's good to be back. I haven't had the ability to unload my rants on the sports world lately due to my inability to not multi-task constantly. Planning my wedding, 2 new scripts being written, and The Wire DVD's have complicated my time management issues. But fret not, SportsAreDunn has been retooled and will now be broadcasted weekly. Which day? Who knows. How many times? (Shoulder shrug) I'm not paid for this.
And away we go!
Before I get into particulars I want to first start off with my winners and losers of this past NFL regular season.
Winners: The Pats (sans Moss), The Pats (with Woodhead), Falcons (sans Vick scandal), Vick (sans Vick scandal), and Haynesworth (well in '11, sans DeadSkins)
Losers: Cowboys(as if this isn't a given), Bengals(Nice one T-Ocho), Coaches(When you can have a slight hiccup(Childress) and get fired, or have years of hiccups (Lewis) and get extended, who knows what you need to do for job security), Titans (for thinking Vince Young's crazy ass was EVER the answer), and lastly, Fans(for another ho hum regular season with an inevitable Patriots SB win on the horizon.)
Two things I have to say before I get into another rant. First, can someone please notice how Kevin Love is morphing into the new Barkley. He's Rodman with the ability to score! He's a more athletic McHale! He's quite frankly, a beast! Secondly, D Rose puts the Damn in "Damn, he's sweet as hell"! The correct way to say that is with a stank look on your face as it comes out. Like he's so nasty, there is actual feces coming out of your screen.
On that note, someone please tell the rest of the NBA that the Heat are winning the Championship. Who's gonna stop em? The Celtics? They can't stay healthy. The Magic? Yeah right. I don't care how much Dream worked with ol' Shoulders D Howard. He ain't (H)Akeem.
Oh, I know who. The Lakers, right? Sorry to burst your crapped filled bubble, but the writing is on the wall with these guys. They lack depth, and Kobe is slowly teetering in that inevitable "I can still carry my team, but not really cause I ain't as young as I use to be" zone that Jeter fell into last year with the Yankees. How can they truly win if it takes Captain Ego 25 shots to get 25 points? And if you read any of my NBA posts last year, you'd know not to bring that weak Gasol or Bynum shit to me. It'll get sent away like a homeless guy, with new found fame, and said fame inevitibly causes him to resort back to the very vices that culminated in his original homeless state. Well, I guess I wouldn't send you to rehab, but I'd give your statement a stern talking to.
In a quick MLB blip, I ask, how in the hell does Bagwell not make it into the Hall?! To use a quote from a great baseball man I know named Michael Soteropoulos aka Marbles, Bagwell "may be the best all around first baseman from 1990-2005." He hit for average and power, had solid glove work, played his whole career for the same squad (which is an underrated stat BTW), and he could run! His being left off the ballot makes me question if any first basemen from my childhood will get in. Big Mac, Raffy, Bagwell, Crime Dog, Mark Grace, Olerud, and Big Cat are all no-go's apparently. So that leaves who? Big Hurt. Is he the only one who stands a chance from the "Steroids Era"? Terrible. I mean I'd even consider Hurt a DH more than a 1B. Welp, it was fun to watch, I'll tell you that.
I want to end this comeback edition by bringing to light a new low for collegiate sports. So let me get this straight, Pryor and the other four Buckeyes, per Coach Tressel, had to commit to returning to school next year and serve out their suspensions in full , if they wanted to play in the Sugar Bowl. A bowl game whose outcome was heavily impacted by all five of these players. Coincidence? I think not. In an oh-so familiar story, instead of reading the writing on the wall and seeing that these players, through their own admittance no less, broke the rules out of necessity for their families, and that an out to the NFL would have probably solved their problems, the NCAA turned it all around? And just how did they handle this situation? By being as greedy as always. Why else? So the players could return, and in turn, bring more revenue back to 'ol Ohio State, and college football as a whole. Would the Buckeyes make a bowl game without them? Maybe, but a bowl is a guarantee with them. Even if they do only play half the season. Looking out in their best interests are we? If by their, you mean the university, and not the students. Let these damn kids go pro and allow them to provide for their families through their God given talents. Tressel said he was making them deal with their punishment so they couldn't go pro and curb their sanctions. Oh, you mean like the billions of athletes before them! Seems to me like the "man" got what they wanted and the students got screwed. So in the end who was right? I'm not sure, but I have one simple solution that would fix it all.
Til next time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)