When I am thinking of reasons to engage in another ferocious back and forth with myself, I always needs that little umph. You know, that "Aww hell naw! I can'ts buleeve he said DAT shit." So when this does occur, naturally I have to speak on it. Such an event happened after watching SportsCenter a few night's ago. A reporter was interviewing KD after the Heat once again proved that no matter how much people want to believe the Thunder are turning a corner, until the true Championship teams (C's, Heat, Lake Show, Magic) lose even a single veteran, the Thunder will never be a title contender. Anyways, the reporter asked about his shouting match with Chris Bosh that drew T's for both parties. After an explanation I could not care less about, Durant then proceeded to call Bosh a "fake tough guy". LOL Nice! The shear thought of playground talk trying to be broken down for the masses to understand was completely absurd, yet hilarious. How do I know when sports news topics are slow? When calling someone a homothug gets more press than Tiger's umptenth straight meltdown. And watch that finger pointing, cause I'm no bigot. Omar Little taught me that you can be as gay as the spring breeze, but still be one of the hardest men alive.
Speaking of Woods, to his new game I say: New swing coach, same limp approach. Haha, Shazaam! (Sorry for that Shaq reference)
Back to roundball, since no one else wants to admit it, I will be the first. Can we just contract the fucking Raptors out of Canada so some free agent will actually want to go there and they can stop sucking more penis than Montana Fishburne and Kim Kardashian combined? I mean they are always garbage. They were an 8th seed for like five years, solely because of the aforementioned Captain Softee. It's not the same story for say, the Clippers, because although they too always suck (pre-Blake anyways), they're in L.A.! The Raptors are in Toronto. That's in Canada! Who cares about Canadians? Oil companies, that's who. Since we decided to not prevent another oil break from happening, and with our supply being basically dunzo. Combined with the hatred the Middle East oil conglomirates have for us, I am guessing our next oil outlet will most likely be...wait for it...CANADA! With all her flappy head and maple leaf goodness. So is that the reason we still have to pretend that a team with red and purple colors and a prehistoric mascot was ever going to be popular? Considering by the time our oil supply runs dry the whole country will be driving electric cars anyways, I say take Canny out back and give her the ol' Mike Vick treatment. Don't worry Canucks, just have a comeback that restores Americas faith in you and no one will remember this abomination. Just give it about a decade before you go saying you might want to own another "team" at some point. Get a cat Mike, get a cat.
On a side note, ef a LBJ apology, I hope the Cavs are enjoying their new relationship with karma. This team is like that ex who swears she is better off without you, after she made the majority of the relationship mistakes, even bad mouthing you with nonsense like "that's why you have a small penis" or "you're probably gay anyways". Only to end up with a random new boyfriend who hits her or treats her like complete shit, and although she rues the day she ever broke it off with you, pride will not allow her to admit that this new guy sucks and you were her saving grace. Just like this harlot, you screwed your chance with LeBron Cavs, deal with it, move on, and enjoy your new life which will never be as good as it once was. Sucks to be you right now, huh?
So Diana Turasi is doing her best Raffy impression by concluding the Turkish tests "mistakes" and she really wasn't using PED's. Yep, because this argument has EVER worked. Come back home, play some 2K11, and wait until your next season that no one watches to commence. BTW, if arguably the biggest star of your league has to play overseas just to recoup pay because her original league cannot afford to pay her enough, that is most certainly an alarming sign. How long are we giving the WNBA? 5 years? 10, max.
My last basketball news of note comes from yesterday's announcement that the Lakers need to make changes in order to revive their play. Changes you say?(develish grin ensues) First, let's start by granting your scapegoat (Artest) his wish and send him to another team. Then when Odom sucks for ten consecutive games, he'll finally only have himself, and Ms. Piggy, to blame. But the Lakers played like CBS and got "Sheened" by giving a complete maniac a ridiculous contract, so now, no matter how much they'd like to separate themselves from this person, money in the end, rules over everything else. And just like no other network would ever touch Mr. "I only smoke cocaine, I never snort" again, the Lakers know that no team will even think about adding this leech to their rotations. Not after his past indiscretions, and most certainly not now, seeing that Artest is so slow he's having trouble guarding even himself nowadys. But alas. I have your answer Lakers. And it will solve all of your problems. Hear me out. I think it's time to reveal the most obvious of truths. Do I really have to say it. Ok, here goes. PLEASE TRADE HIM BECAUSE ANDREW BYNUM IS THE SADDEST SACK OF SHIT THIS SIDE OF A DOWNTRODDEN BAG FILLED WITH FECES!!!!!!!!! Seriously, why aren't these guys trading him before the rest of the league figures this out?! Why does he keep getting a mulligan? Because he hasn't been healthy? So? Neither has Greg Odom and he can't catch a break. Bynum gets abused by ever serious Center he faces. Check the C's game. Abused by everyone from KG, Glen Davis, and even that white lanky backup. I swear I saw the Chief come out just to get a tip-in over this sorry excuse for a big man. If you're a soft big man, admit it. But don't constantly get abused and then have a 20-10 game against Erick Dampier and think you are the bees knees. I don't think even Jordan would have played with this guy on one of those mid-90's Bulls teams. Do the Lakers really need him? Does he truly even make a difference in games? The answer to it all is an emphatic HELL! NO! Trade him now, get something in exchange, and try and win some Championships while you still have 80% of Kobe. Or else. Oh yeah, Bynum has no value right now. Why? Because once again, he's hurt. God he sucks.
I'll end this post with one more brief. Carson Palmer's bum ass just demanded a trade. So let me get this straight. You have managed to be the Chris Webber of the NFL whereas you've been a good player through the year's, but by no means have you excelled to the level most thought you would. And you have the audacity to demand a trade! On what grounds? You're no cakewalk yourself buddy. Those who show excellence make those around them better, or demand that help be brought in, and then excel with their new, more talented unit like Mamba. They don't completely lose control of their team, never be the leader the team needs them to be, and constantly deflect blame for their team's woes. Not very Brady-esqe is it? You give Sam Bradford or Sanchez Ocho and T.O. and they are most certainly making the playoffs. All Carson could do was watch his team constantly get outperformed. Instead of rallying his weaker defensive unit around the stellar play of his offensive one, he played terrible when running the team, causing the D to lose interest throughout the season. Why stop the other team if yours can't score? A season that began with amazing promise ended like Inception. Ridiculously confusing. And how did the Bengals handle this PR nightmare with their underachieving, never gonna take you to the promise land, ungritty QB. Yep, they fire the offensive coordinator that was there before this QB even got there and extend the coach that noone thinks should still be there. That's the ticket. Hey, Bengals, I'll see you in next year's draft. Comfortably in the top 5.
Temprano!
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