Chan-ge gon' come?

How can I sum up my feelings about the Bills taking the Khloe Kardashian of the available head coaches? The answer lies within another question. Why this comparison? Cause they both FUCKING SUCK!!! (Sorry about that, but you did have to click the parental warning before you came on so whatever.) So Ralph Wilson and the rest of the Voits decided that in order for us to win we needed a head coach with experience, in head coaching and leading their 9-7 team to the playoffs. So we chose the one ex-Boys coach, not still coaching for the Boys, or getting his teeth whitened. Awesome. You know what I equate this to? It's like Scott Howard turning into the wolf, getting a lipstick rocket from the blond haired girl, and then settling for Boof. Yeah Boof might be cooler, but she's not letting you stick in EVERY orifice. Remember Teen Wolf was a teen, and so is the majority of our guys. Minus Scheobel, Lindel, and Kelsey, I think our entire team got drafted within the last four seasons. You know who our blonde haired girl was? Shanahan and Cowher. I got all blue-balled thinking about the possibility of either of them coaching us. Here's your montage: Me doing everyday comical things with cardboard cutouts of each. Scenarios. Insert knee slapping laughter at your will. Us on a roller coaster and Cowher losing his hat. Me dropping a just purchased ice cream cone scoop. Me and Shanahan falling as we ice skate off Niagra Falls. Us getting chased for attempting to skate on Niagra Falls. ALL, while The Pointer Sisters "Neutron Dance" is blasting. Take a second a think it out. Now take Axel Foley out of your sequence. This isn't Beverly Hills Cop 2. I'm just grooving doing the neutron dance. Woo Hoo. Gold!!! And what is Chan the Man's (I just coined that BTW) first order of business. Wait for it. Find us a QB!! OH MY GOD! REALLY!? Is that what we need? No Shit. That's it, hire me as the coach. You'd have a lifetime fan, and all the 80's cinema shenanigans that could fill up a BW3's. J/S

Hay dio this is going to be a long season.

In case you were watching some other crap, Kansas State upset #1 Texas last night. I watched the whole thing in anticipation of my Wildcats securing the #1. And what a doosy we had on our hands. K-State did everything in their power to lose this game, but Texas just kept dropping Tony Parker's. (F.Y.I That's big fat dumps on the court. If you didn't know, I hate Tony Parker.) In my last column I asked who this team was. Well here's your answer. They have an absolute lunatic as a coach. I mean that as a compliment in every since of the word. If you haven't seen him, place your face slightly away from the screen and google his pic. Are we sure Huggins found this guy? Not exactly a drinking partner. Their "best player" Pullen shot 2 for a million and literally tried to turn the ball over every time he had the ball. I think he accidentally scored twice. The best player I saw was the hard-nosed, ball hog Curtis Kelly. This guy grabbed every big rebound in the second half, converted two BIGTIME and-one's, and played tenacious defense on James. Speaking of garbage players, Pittman on Texas is one. You know that overweight kid playing pick up growing up. That tries to body people inside, but is really soft so he just complains, scores a couple easy baskets so he thinks he's good, but then is Copperfield when the game matters. This is your guy. I mean he's WORSE than Antoine Walker. And I'm a UK fan. So thank you for buckling down when it mattered Wildcats.

*speaking of annoying players. Have you ever seen UConn's Stanley Robinson play? I never knew that a guy too-fast, who can't really shoot, but makes up for it with unbelievable hops, and has marathon type energy, could actually get a scholarship. And they're saying this guy is a lottery pick. Really? Maybe in the NBDL. But don't let me waste your flavor Robinson. Keep playing hard. And with your coach taking a leave, the Huskies need you more than ever. Ball on.